Revenge-aroni CoverSix months ago, Thor, the former Norse God of Thunder – along with the motley crew of political clones and cyborgs and psychic squirrels he calls his friends – saved the world. And, in a wholly unprecedented move, this time the world stayed saved.

The frozen head of Walt Sidney is not happy about that. Like, at all.

The bodiless businessman has pit his two top men against each other and sent them after the group, in a contest to see who can out-murder who. Because vengeance is a dish best served lukewarm and out of a can, heated over the smoldering remains of your enemies. Also, vengeance should be eaten with an officially licensed Lindsey Louse Spearin’ Spork for maximum vengeance-ing.

The fourth book in the EXPONENTIAL APOCALYPSE series, REVENGE-ARONI is smart, vulgar, and quite simply and with absolutely zero hyperbole, the single best post-apocalyptic book about borderline inept, mercenary heroes you will ever read. Filled with gallows humor and inventive swearing and run-on sentences, as well as sex, drugs, violence, and blatant attacks on artisanal coffee, REVENGE-ARONI will surely be looked back on as the piece of literature that saved humanity from both itself and the inevitable uprising of homicidal crab-people.

REVENGE-ARONI is available as a paperback or in a variety of e-copies from the fine retailers below. Or a local store of yours! Just ask and they should be able to look the book up.


He sees you when you’re sleeping . . .

Putting the pirat(e) in respiration.

Putting the pirat(e) in respiration.

. . . obviously the “he” in that sentence is Cthulhu. And believe us when we tell you that you don’t want to end up on his naughty list. One way to avoid that fate is to spread good cheer, and JDP founder/writer of the Exponential Apocalypse series/gnome wrangler/recent double-lung-transplant recipient Eirik Gumeny deserves some. Tweet him your warm wishes or make a donation to offset the cost of his new breath-takers. Every time you donate, Cthulhu sprouts a new tentacle.

Speaking of Great Old Ones, the holiday season is the perfect time to re-read our Lovecraft Special Issue. And our 2014 Pushcart Prize nominees and December issue offer delicious selections of additional word cookies. Merry Happy, ya filthy animals! Where’s the Tylenol?

Urgent update: Kickstarter of a Lifetime

Our friend needs your help

5/15/14 Update, in Eirik’s own words. He’s still waiting on those lungs, guys. And he could definitely still use your help. If you can donate, that would be amazing; if not, Eirik and Monica would still appreciate your good wishes, as well as any hilarious youtube videos, photos, notes, or other bits of miscellaneous entertainment to help them pass the time and let them know you’re thinking of them.

1/29/14 Update: It’s happening, guys—Eirik was officially listed for a lung transplant yesterday; you can get more details on Monica’s blog. This is good news, but he and Monica still need your help, so please spread the word and make a donation if you can. Thank you so much to those who have already contributed, re-tweeted, etc. Every little bit helps, but there’s still quite a ways to go.

1/26/14 Update: Eirik and Monica have been able to update their respective blogs on his condition. Read Eirik’s here (with profanity) and Monica’s here (without profanity.)

Here’s the rest of our original post from a few months ago, including information about how to make a donation:


Let’s get this out of the way: we make shit up. Like most writers, it’s sort of our raison d’etre and all. You have no idea how much we wish we were making this up.

But we’re not.

Our friend and JDP’s founder, Eirik Gumeny, needs an organ transplant. Lungs, to be specific.

As some of you may know Eirik’s lived with cystic fibrosis his whole life. He’s now in his thirties which isn’t always the best time for folks with CF. Hence, the plan to get new lungs. You can read the specifics over at the page set up for Eirik by COTA.

The good news is we’re not asking you for your actual organs.

But transplants are immensely expensive, like in the neighborhood of a half million dollars on average. Insurance will cover some of that, but there are at least $65,000 in uncovered costs that are anticipated and that’s what we’re trying to get people to help with.

Simply put, Eirik is a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, and a writer. He deserves to keep being all of those things.

So if you can help at all, please do so. Not to go all Wikipedia on you guys, but if everyone who visited this site gave five bucks, well, we’d certainly be on our way to making a dent in the $65K.

On top of everything else, Eirik is the dude who thought up the idea for this place where a lot of wayward stories (and writers) have found a home that wouldn’t exist otherwise. Again, if that means anything to you, please help if you can.

Also, let’s spread the word. If you can get the message out on Twitter, Facebook, your blog, or whatever, that’s important too.

A lot of life is ambiguity. But every once in a while it throws you a chance to make a real difference in an actual person’s life, who needs and deserves to be helped. This is one of them. We’re counting on you.

— Mike Sweeney