One of us, gooble gobble . . .

JDP Nov 2015 coverWith Thanksgiving lumbering toward us like a fat feathered dinosaur, we are pleased to present three stories about family and two stories about food in Issue 72.

In Chelsea Hanna Cohen‘s marine creation tale, an axe-wielding dad indulges in corporal punishment on “Sedna’s Hands” with surprising results. Maria Pinto describes a peculiar (and heartbreaking) “Response to the News,” and C.B. Auder explains, in a surreal way, why “We Cannot Become What We Need to Be by Remaining What We Are.” Anthony Cordello explores the unique dangers of being a “Dishroom Supervisor” in a Chinese restaurant; meanwhile, Marcel Harper drops a hell of a secret ingredient into the chili in “Heatseeker.” This month’s delicate Doggie de los Muertos cover art was created by the exquisitely named Loulabelle Hales.

Masticate it online or slurp the .pdf. And don’t forget to leave cranberry-sauce handprints on your front door, unless you want Turkasaurus devouring all your leftovers and half your children while you sleep.

Announcing the JDP Sherlock Holmes Special Issue!

hound“It is a worthy setting if the devil did decide to dabble in the affairs of men.”

That’s right kids, the Jersey Devil is about to meet the Hound of the Baskervilles and we’ll be publishing their unholy offspring in our January Issue. We’re looking for all manner of interpretations of the Holmes’ and Watson characters, whether past, present, or future. Bizarro Sherlock? Magical Realism Sherlock? Future Sherlock? Dick-joke Sherlock? Regular-old Sherlock? We want to read them all.

Submissions are officially open as of this very moment. Send ‘em to the special Submittable portal here.

What’s that you’re saying? You can’t make bricks without clay? Well here’s all the data you’re going to need:

Word limit

Just for this issue, we’ll give you up to 8,000 words, but make ‘em count. We’ll also be quite content with something much shorter, so flash is cool, as is everything in between.

Is this legal?

We think so. In 2014, the Supreme Court sort of ruled that Sherlock was in the public domain. So we think we’re on sound footing here, all the more so since absolutely no one is making any money off this deal (either us or you).

Are reprints okay?

So long as it’s not something currently available elsewhere online, we’ll consider it. But make sure to identify your submission as a reprint when you send it in and tell us where it was originally published.

Can Holmes and Watson be gay?

We’d kinda be disappointed if they weren’t, but it’s okay if they’re straight too. We’re open-minded like that.

Can we mash up Holmes with the Cthulhu mythos or maybe Bram Stoker’s Dracula?

Oh, yes please.

Let’s say I have a dead-on, pitch-perfect Conan Doyle pastiche that reads like something The Strand would’ve published in the 1890s – do you want that?

Actually, yes. Although we’re interested in new and varied takes on Holmes, I personally wouldn’t mind one classic tale to include with the more modern interpretations.

I’ve got a story that’s all about Irene Adler without really any Sherlock. Can I submit that?

How shall I put this? Fuck yeah.

Can I set a Sherlock story in the future on Ganymede or one of the other Jovian moons?

You’re just teasing us now, aren’t you?

What about a Holmesian poem?

If it sings like a Stradivarius, send it in.

Give us some examples of interpretations of Sherlock Holmes you’ve enjoyed?

Jeremy Brett, Steven Moffat, Neil Gaiman, Nicholas Meyer, and especially Michal Dibdin are all pretty good starting points. Honestly, we didn’t quite get into the officially sanctioned The House of Silk, but then we’re sour pusses.

When’s the deadline for submissions?

December 30 at approximately 11:58 pm East Coast Time. After that, we’re just gonna kick back and wait to watch this.

Once again, send your Sherlock submissions here.

So get writing! The game is…well, you know.

Hold on to your swollen gourds and plumped hazel shells . . .

JDP Oct 2015 cover‘Cause the October issue is in the chair, folks. (Apologies to Keats and Gaiman.)

Welcome to issue Seventy-One! This month is also our sixth anniversary, which has us so excited we just peed a little. (For you mathemagicians frantically gesticulating in the second row, the issue count is off because we briefly flirted with going quarterly during a transitional phase in 2011.)

We are deliriously happy to welcome five new voices to our warm electric pages. Matthew Myers kicks things off with demented and nightmarishly detailed directions to “The Best BBQ in This Town.” Next, Brian D. Morrison explores the bucolic longings of Mary Shelley’s tragic creation in a poem that perfectly complements the season. Shannon Noel Brady keeps things moving with a sweetly sad flash piece in which a spoiled child’s destructive greed is observed from an unusual yet familiar vantage point. After that, Michael Berkowitz finds a surprising impermanence of place in “Paper Cities.” Closing out the issue is Chad Schuster, who spoons up a “Taste of Fame” that packs the sort of BAM! you can’t get from an ordinary spice weasel. This month’s delicately creepy cover art slid from the talented mind and fingers of Jakub Gazmercik.

Ogle it online or pluck the .pdf.