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They Call Him Bigfoot Avert Your Eyes No Autographs Please, Danger_Slater
“I’ve met Bigfoot. The real Bigfoot. And there’s no way the real Bigfoot would’ve ever let those two dingbats with their shaky, antiquated camera catch him candidly skulking around the woods like some kind of . . . I don’t know . . . bear or something. You see, Bigfoot hates the paparazzi. And I mean he H-A-T-E-S them. He’s a total prima donna like that. In real-life Bigfoot is brusque and short-tempered and curt to the point of rudeness and he’s totally unappreciative to the legions of adulating devotees and fans who have supported him throughout the years.”
The View from the Backseat, Mike Sweeney
“I recognize the Cold Thing, or at least what it represents. I don’t think I could put it into words even if I had them. Instead, I just scream bloody murder. Between the rain and the minivan’s soundproofing, there’s no hope in hell that’ll she’ll hear me. I watch, helpless, terrified, as the Cold Thing moves around my mommy, stopping with its back to me.”
Lifeguard, Ryan Werner
“In the drawing before she hit it big, Florence bought me a lottery ticket, too, either as an excuse to see me or as an attempt to develop an addiction she could blame on me. When I told her that I ended up winning $20 she showed me the classified ad for her wedding dress and said, possibly changing the subject, “Doesn’t it feel good, gambling with something besides your life?””
Think Tank, Craig Wallwork
“The first time I met my father he was nine years old. The train had thrown his body two hundred feet down the track, bones were toothpicks dropped on the floor, angles and spikes. Eyes the color of sliced grapes were imbued with burgundy. I got to sit with him for a full two minutes hearing him croon his final breaths as the cadence of death prodded each limb and hand. It was the happiest moment of my life.”
My First Curse Word, Amanda Chiado
“I pledge allegiance to the war
against the United Faces of Adulthood.
My hand is on my Juicy Fruit,
pocket full of rubber band bullets,
body equal parts blood, courage
and Crush, orange soda.”
Vital: A Love Story, Ally Malinenko
“She laughs, her head thrown back and my stomach summersaults. We have to start walking now as our ships pass. She presses her hand up against the glass of her platform window and I do the same. It feels, for a brief moment, like I’m actually touching her and the sensation makes me dizzy.”