So, you know Danger_Slater, right? And you know the hysterical goodness that is his writing, right?

So why haven’t you pre-ordered his debut novel, Love Me yet?

Is it because you’re afraid? Is it because you’re not sure you’re going to like it?

Well, that’s stupid, of course you’re going to like it good news then!

Like all the best used car dealerships, you can now try (in a limited manner) before you buy! The first chapter of Love Me is now online!

Up here, in the spiresphere, the wind blows chaotic. It lashes at me from all directions. The cold breeze bites at my skin, freezing my blood. Snow-coning my soul.

I could probably piss ice cubes.

I could shit a refrigerator.

The wind is so cold, I could probably be a refrigerator. I could be your refrigerator. Would you like that? I would. If you wanted me to, I could be the best appliance in your house. Just plug me into the wall and I’ll live in your kitchen. My belly full of casserole. Mixed greens in my skull. A bottle of Merlot jammed into my asshole. You can ask me what’s for dinner and I’ll vomit up some cold cuts. I’ll vomit up some bread. I’ll vomit up some cheese, lettuce, onion and mayo.

“Sandwiches! Yummy!” you’ll gratefully exclaim, and I’ll smile back at you in that way only a refriger-mister can.

So go ahead and read that, then come back here and click the big ol’ button below. A single donation of $25 will get you a paperback of Love Me — a week early! — and an e-book of Screw the Universe. That’s two things to read for one click!

Mark your calendars, boys and girls. Love Me, by Danger_Slater, the world’s most flammable writer, has a release date! And that date is August 9th, 2011! On that fateful day, Love Me will be available as a paperback or an e-book, from a variety of resellers.

Love Me is the touching tale of a guy in a Viking suit on an epic quest to figure out the mysteries of life. How it touches you is entirely your call.

If you think you can wait a whole month, like some kind of chump, then you can absolutely buy it when it’s released and make us all moderately happy. But if you truly love us, or you love Danger, or you love danger, then you can donate $25 today and receive the book a few days early.

Yes, that’s right, we said donate. Websites and books cost money. We need your cash. But fret not! Unlike Mick Jagger and his vampire cohort, we ARE too proud to beg. When we rattle our tin cup, it means we have stuff to give YOU!

Donate $25 (or more!) and you’ll recieve a free paperback copy of Danger_Slater’s debut novel, Love Me, an existential romp replete with a cow, scientists, and dick jokes, as well as a free e-book of Screw the Universe by Stephen Schwegler and Eirik Gumeny, which also has dick jokes, this time on a spaceship.

If, like us, you’re poor, that’s OK too! Donate less than $25 — any amount — and we’ll still send you the e-book! We’re generous like that.

We’ll ship Love Me to all of our new, bestest friends approximately a week before the release date, right around the time we e-mail those same awesome people a coupon code to pick up Screw the Universe from Smashwords for free.

In the meantime, just know that you are so very pretty and/or handsome and we love you and, hey, have we mentioned how great that shirt looks on you? Are those new shoes? Have you lost weight?