{"id":8157,"date":"2019-10-31T11:38:41","date_gmt":"2019-10-31T17:38:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=8157"},"modified":"2019-10-31T11:38:41","modified_gmt":"2019-10-31T17:38:41","slug":"how-to-pull-a-coin-out-of-an-ear","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=8157","title":{"rendered":"How to Pull a Coin Out of an Ear"},"content":{"rendered":"

Daniel Galef<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bunkum was learning how to pull a coin out of someone\u2019s ear. He had a website open on the library computer that said \u201cHow to Pull a Coin Out Of Someone\u2019s Ear\u201d at the top. \u201cI\u2019m learning how to pull a coin out of someone\u2019s ear,\u201d he said to the library.<\/p>\n

Billings coughed. \u201cYou can\u2019t get something for nothing.\u201d Billings was on the computer next to Bunkum. His laminated name tag said \u201cBillings.\u201d They\u2019d never met.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know that,\u201d said Bunkum. \u201cIt\u2019s magic.\u201d \u201cStage magic,\u201d he said, so Billings wouldn\u2019t think he was the kind of library wacko who believed in real magic.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a kind of library wacko,\u201d said Billings, like he was telling Bunkum something, \u201clooking up how to do magic tricks on the computer. I\u2019m doing research.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you writing a movie?\u201d asked Bunkum, who didn\u2019t care. He didn\u2019t want to keep talking about magic. He didn\u2019t like being called a wacko, even by a different wacko.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I\u2019m doing research,\u201d said Billings, pressing the tab key nine times.<\/p>\n

It sounded like Billings wasn\u2019t going to talk again, so Bunkum read the next part of the trick. \u201cSix: Hold the coin up for everyone to see. Say something like \u2018He\/She has got a coin in his\/her ear!\u2019 or \u2018Ta Da!\u2019\u201d He held up his coin, which was a quarter. \u201cTa da!\u201d Bunkum said, quietly so Billings wouldn\u2019t think he was talking to him.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m composing a monograph on the history of ghosts,\u201d said Billings. \u201cI expect it is going to be seminal. Did you know that this library is haunted?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought you didn\u2019t believe in magic.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGhosts aren\u2019t magic. Don\u2019t be stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry.\u201d Bunkum wasn\u2019t liking this conversation very much either. He didn\u2019t like being called stupid, even by a kind of library wacko. And he was pretty sure that ghosts fall under the umbrella of magic.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you want to pull a coin out of someone\u2019s ear?\u201d said Billings. He scooted his chair closer. \u201cIf you want money you should learn how to pull someone\u2019s wallet out of their pocket without them knowing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not a magic trick.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr their watch. I don\u2019t know if that\u2019s the same trick or not, but I saw a magician on a boat who took people\u2019s watches and also their wallets. It might have been two different techniques.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to steal people\u2019s money. I want to astound them. I want to take a coin right out of their ear and then give it to them for free, like it was really in their ear and it\u2019s theirs. Didn\u2019t your grandpa or somebody ever pull a coin out of your ear?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI never had any grandparents,\u201d said Billings, like he never tried a margarita.<\/p>\n

\u201cOr somebody. I might have a grandkid someday, or a kid someday, and I decided I want to pull a coin out of his ear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr her ear.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr her ear,\u201d said Bunkum. \u201cThe trick is non-gender-specific.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it? Golly,\u201d said Billings, who wasn\u2019t trying to hide he was having fun.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause everyone has ears, see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI doubt everyone<\/em> has ears,\u201d said Billings.<\/p>\n

\u201cMost people have ears. If my grandkid doesn\u2019t have any ears I can pull a coin out of his nose. Or her nose.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s a very versatile magic trick.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you,\u201d said Bunkum, like it was a compliment. That annoyed Billings.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway, I don\u2019t think that would surprise me, for someone to pull a coin out of my ear,\u201d said Billings. \u201cI bet I would say, \u2018I don\u2019t think you really pulled a coin out of my ear. I bet you had that coin the whole time.\u2019 That\u2019s what I would say, I bet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t want to surprise you,\u201d Bunkum said. \u201cI want to astound people. Different people. And astound them, not surprise. It\u2019s more.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, I think \u2018surprise\u2019 is more. Like, \u2018whoa, what a surprise!\u2019 That\u2019s what I\u2019d say if a magician stole my wallet.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAstound sounds more impressive,\u201d Bunkum said. He was really riled now. \u201cAs-tound! As-TOUND!\u201d Some people in the other desks were looking over. \u201cAstound,\u201d Billings said. Bunkum looked at the next step on the screen. \u201cSeven: Take a bow (optional).\u201d He figured he didn\u2019t need to practice that. He went back to step three, which was the whole trick actually, and tried to pull the quarter out of his own ear. The angle was funny, and he dropped it. It rolled right to the air vent under the desk.<\/p>\n

The quarter didn\u2019t fall into the vent. It lay flat across two khaki-colored slats. When Bunkum grabbed at it his pinky knocked the coin down the hole. \u201cShit,\u201d Bunkum said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat should be your magic word,\u201d said Billings. Bunkum said nothing. \u201c\u2018Shit,\u2019 I mean,\u201d said Billings. Bunkum didn\u2019t reply. \u201cYou step up onto the stage, drop a quarter down the vent, and say, \u2018Shit.\u2019\u201d Bunkum was silent. \u201cApplause,\u201d said Billings.<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck you,\u201d said Bunkum.<\/p>\n

A couple of minutes went by.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you write a seminal monograph on shit,\u201d said Bunkum.<\/p>\n

\u201cI did.\u201d Billings squeaked his monitor so it was pointing at Bunkum and Bunkum read: \u201cOn the Social History of Copromastics and Analytic Scatometry.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bunkum read the first paragraph, then pulled down the scrollbar on the side of the screen to read the second. The bar was tiny, a pellet. The monograph must have been a hundred pages. \u201cYou\u2019re more a wacko than I\u2019m a wacko,\u201d said Bunkum.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m the ghost of a world-famous stage magician. Five hundred years ago I fell off a cruise ship and drowned. I haunt this library and pull ghost coins out of people\u2019s ears and hide them down the vents.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGhost coins.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, like pirate doubloons and buffalo nickels.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going back to my research.\u201d Bunkum pulled on the word so Billings would know he was just as serious about pulling coins out of ears as Billings was about shit, or ghosts, which weren\u2019t real anyway, or if they were real they would certainly qualify as magic.<\/p>\n

Bunkum got really into his magic trick, working step three over and over again until he could do it five times in a row without dropping the quarter. A librarian came to tell him the library was closing. Bunkum pulled a coin out of the librarian\u2019s ear. \u201cYou have to go home,\u201d said the librarian. \u201cTa da,\u201d said Bunkum. All of the other desks were empty, including the one Billings had been in.<\/p>\n

Bunkum left the library with a print-out of the webpage he had been looking at. \u201cWhat a heck of a library wacko,\u201d he said to himself out loud, and laughed. He felt for his wallet but it wasn\u2019t there. He was astounded!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

DANIEL GALEF<\/strong> has written a gaggle of short stories, a gallimaufry of poems, four and a half plays (including a musical), crossword puzzles, comic strips, ransom notes, a dictionary definition (Merriam-Webster, \u201cinterfaculty,\u201d adj.[2]), and the only true fortune cookie fortune in the world which happens to be the fortune you\u2019re going to get the next time you get a fortune cookie. His most recent fiction appears in the American Bystander<\/em>, Bards and Sages Quarterly<\/em>, Barnhouse<\/em>, and Bull & Cross<\/em>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This story incorporates text from the WikiHow article \u201cHow to Pull a Coin Out Of an Ear: 10 Steps (With Pictures)\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Daniel Galef     Bunkum was learning how to pull a coin out of someone\u2019s ear. He had a website open on the library computer that said \u201cHow to Pull a Coin Out Of Someone\u2019s Ear\u201d at the top. \u201cI\u2019m … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"parent":8152,"menu_order":5,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-8157","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P15duy-27z","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8157"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8166,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8157\/revisions\/8166"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8152"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}