{"id":7452,"date":"2017-02-08T17:43:06","date_gmt":"2017-02-09T00:43:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=7452"},"modified":"2017-02-08T17:43:06","modified_gmt":"2017-02-09T00:43:06","slug":"the-goon-who-won","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=7452","title":{"rendered":"The Goon Who Won"},"content":{"rendered":"

Isaac Teile<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

This wasn\u2019t supposed to happen. Someone of my stature bringing down the Red Ray. But here I am, frozen over the body, hand outstretched, still expecting him to spring up and punch me before uttering some stupid one-liner.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s dead,\u201d I say again. The other Acolytes step out from their hiding positions in the warehouse. People emerge from behind crates and columns; the two with broken bones on the floor stop moaning and sit up.<\/p>\n

\u201cHoly hell, old-Freddy-o, I didn\u2019t know you had it in you!\u201d Jimmy Derman says, slapping me on the back so hard I almost fall onto the Red Ray\u2019s corpse.<\/p>\n

\u201cI . . . I can\u2019t believe I . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

The last time one of the Super Powers died, it was because he flew too close to the sun while diverting the trajectory of an atomic bomb.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you just feel like a blister on a cow\u2019s butt now, Mr. Red Ray?\u201d Jimmy says, either hamming up his Texas accent for us or just finding it impossible to avoid. I\u2019m supposed to call him Acolyte Krrsnal, but no one calls him anything but Jimmy. \u201cLet\u2019s see who he is for real.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s his second chance to come back. The hero never lets his mask come off. Once, in Rome, Blind Sniper shot Red Ray in the face with a corrosive substance to dissolve the mask. Within two minutes, Red Ray was punching people wearing a plastic bag over his head.<\/p>\n

Jimmy must think that, too, because he pauses as he reaches for the mask. But there\u2019s no movement, except for the blood from the neck wound. And the latex hood slips right off, to reveal . . .<\/p>\n

Actually, I don\u2019t recognize him. So much for the reveal.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho\u2019s this asshat?\u201d Jimmy asks. Before we can guess, there\u2019s a screeching voice from behind us: the Black Skull.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell happened here?!\u201d he yells. We stop and turn. He\u2019s almost as horrifying as the Red Ray, and he shoots ornery henchmen. Then again, the Red Ray once dropped Acolyte I\u2019oree off a crane, paralyzing him, so maybe bullets aren\u2019t so bad. \u2018I never kill,\u2019 the Red Ray used to say. Well screw him.<\/p>\n

I kneel reverentially next to the Ray\u2019s corpse and say, \u201cI killed him, Master. Your hated enemy is dead.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou . . . what?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI killed the Red Ray!\u201d I hold out my palms upturned, the way we\u2019re supposed to before the Black Skull.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou?! You\u2019re not worthy!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d I say, fear thick in my quavering voice. To be honest, I kind of thought he\u2019d be like this, but I\u2019d hoped not.<\/p>\n

\u201cI said he wasn\u2019t for you to kill. He was mine! I was supposed to unravel his mind and destroy all he cared about before murdering him myself! Don\u2019t you understand?\u201d<\/p>\n

Looks like a bullet for me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou . . . you told us to kill him if he broke into your lair . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI meant figuratively! I needed him for the Apocalypse, you fool.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, I thought — \u201d<\/p>\n

The Black Skull places his hand upon his forehead, or I guess his frontal bone since \u2018forehead\u2019 makes me think of someone with flesh.<\/p>\n

\u201cGet out of here, Fred.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Acolyte Tu\u2019 — \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFred, just leave,\u201d he says, not looking up or anything. No pistol and evil laughter; no pit with dogs as he rips up my contract; he\u2019s not even threatening me. This isn\u2019t fair.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut sir, what about the Ascension?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll email you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I swore — \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen the stars are right, I\u2019ll send you an email. Until then, get out of my sight.\u201d<\/p>\n

And just like that, I\u2019m walking to the warehouse door with my chin on my chest, leaving the cult I consider my family. Not even a chance to collect my things from my locker.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t wish killing a superhero on my worst enemy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Normal people shouldn\u2019t have to do great things. It\u2019s not fair. That should be for the prepared, the initiated. I was prepared to play a part, but it was supposed to be small. I\u2019m just a dude. My creation story is that I met some weird people after switching majors from kinesiology to comparative religions. I\u2019m not ready for this.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m at the funeral. It\u2019s raining like it always does at funerals. Why is that?<\/p>\n

This time it\u2019s because of the Rain Maker. That\u2019s his power. He\u2019s standing by the coffin crying and gesturing to the clouds. So I guess that\u2019s the answer to that question.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m just some dude, and I\u2019m standing in a crowd ten people deep as they talk about Michael Johnston, the Red Ray. Turns out the guy we didn\u2019t recognize was some kind of famous journalist. I don\u2019t read the newspapers. Kind of hard to when you spend most of your days underground planting explosives. Read lots of Reddit, though. Great stuff on there.<\/p>\n

The priest says he wrote about himself. He won all kinds of awards for his coverage of the Red Ray. What a jerk. I could write an expose about Acolyte Tu\u2019yarath. Well . . . I could have, before the Black Skull took away my name and sent me out into the normal world where if you cut a coworker\u2019s finger off for screwing up they sue you.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t stop looking at Ray\u2019s family. There are three: his wife and two children. The girl looks almost exactly like him. She has his obnoxious forehead, that\u2019s obvious. She\u2019s a little JFK Jr., composed and straight-faced, her red eyes giving away the morning\u2019s tears.<\/p>\n

And the boy has the super jaw. He\u2019s probably going to grow up to don the Red Ray costume. His jaw is perfect for the mask. You don\u2019t need powers to shoot ray guns, just a strong jaw line. Maybe he\u2019s looking around the crowd, wondering which of us did it, thinking, \u201cVengeance will be mine!\u201d I guess that\u2019s something villains say. But he might be thinking it.<\/p>\n

Seeing his wife is what hurts the most. I had a girlfriend before the Acolyte vows. But she wouldn\u2019t have cared if I\u2019d died, I don\u2019t think. Not like this. Ray\u2019s wife\u2019s lips are curled; she\u2019s grimacing so hard you could mistake it for revulsion.<\/p>\n

But I know it\u2019s sadness. Even from here, through the Rain Maker\u2019s gray, noisy curtain, I can hear her sobs, like she\u2019s choking, even dry-heaving. I ruined her life. Forever and ever. She\u2019ll be someone new when she leaves this cemetery, and it won\u2019t be someone brimming with joie de vivre.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Fred, what are you doing here?\u201d someone whispers.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t need to look behind me to recognize Jimmy\u2019s accent, but I turn anyway. There\u2019s a whole group of the Acolytes here, all in black suits instead of their robes. Only one is wearing his Acolyte ring; I guess people figured it was a little gaudy. Or conspicuous.<\/p>\n

As I turn to my colleagues, I notice something. Half the people in suits or black skirts are surprisingly . . . muscular. The tight, bulging muscles of the men are almost ripping through their button-down shirts. I swear there\u2019s a guy whose muscles are jiggling gently under the fabric, causing his shirt to flow like an American flag in the wind. As for the women, their dresses present a sea of cleavage and most of them have almost identical, cheerleaderesque faces. My god. I\u2019m surrounded by Powers.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just came to . . .\u201d I start. I don\u2019t know why I came, so I trail off. I look into Jimmy\u2019s eyes. I\u2019m giving him some crazy, desperate stare, I realize. My eyes ask him to take me away from here, from everywhere.<\/p>\n

And so he does. He says, \u201cHey, I\u2019m fixing to get a cup of coffee. You want to join me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Jimmy,\u201d I say. \u201cThat\u2019d be great.\u201d<\/p>\n

He puts his hand on my back. Good guy, Jimmy. Together, we leave the cemetery. No one says goodbye or interrupts the sermon to ask how we\u2019re doing. Not that they should. I\u2019m sure the Powers know we\u2019re just goons.<\/p>\n

Across the street, it\u2019s a sunny day; the Rain Maker\u2019s powers stop just outside the cemetery fence.<\/p>\n

\u201cDude, this is too heavy,\u201d I say as we approach the coffee shop we used to get drinks at after our plans were foiled or fell through due to mismanagement. \u201cI\u2019m done. I\u2019m done being a villain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you going to do?\u201d Jimmy asks.<\/p>\n

I shrug, but I do have one strange idea.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen I was a kid, my parents made these porcelain horsies,\u201d I say. \u201cMaybe I\u2019ll do that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you seriously saying you\u2019re going to quit the cult and paint horses?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not quitting,\u201d I say. \u201cThe boss doesn\u2019t me around anymore. Anyway, it\u2019s not just painting. It\u2019s a whole process. You\u2019ve got to make the mold, fire them . . .\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah. The horsies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLook, man, this villainy stuff, maybe it\u2019s not my destiny. I thought killing a superhero would be good — \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou!\u201d a woman\u2019s voice shouts. \u201cYou\u2019re the one who killed the Red Ray?!\u201d<\/p>\n

I twist around and don\u2019t see the speaker. There\u2019s no one around us. Jimmy\u2019s twisting, too. Then we see her. The Incredible Stretching Woman. All we can see are her head and elongated neck peeking around a fencepost. Her body\u2019s back at the funeral.<\/p>\n

You know, I understand super strength and being able to jump high, but I never understood her. Does she have bones? If not, where\u2019s her bone marrow? Does it just float around inside of her? How does she produce blood cells? Or does she, like, have a totally different immune system than us? If so, did she gain not only elastic skin but a completely new immune system and way of storing nutrients all from some stupid experiment with rubber?<\/p>\n

Anyway, this is bad.<\/p>\n

\u201cUh oh,\u201d Jimmy says. The head disappears as quickly as it appeared, snapping back to its body no doubt, starting the game of whisper-down-the-alley.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got to go, Jimmy,\u201d I say. He shakes his head \u2018no,\u2019 but his eyes are darting around and he can\u2019t make eye contact with me. I\u2019m sure he\u2019s thinking, You\u2019re right. <\/em>I say, \u201cNo use getting your ass kicked for an idiot like me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFred, I respect that you killed — \u201d Jimmy starts. But the air\u2019s filled with a low rumbling, as though the Rain Maker decided to add some thunder and lightning to the mix. We turn to the cemetery . . . and it isn\u2019t lightning we see. Through the gray rain, we see a gray shape moving our way. Stone Brute. When he changes, his skin becomes stone. I think part of his brain turns, too, because he becomes angry, unreasonable, and sometimes murderous. And he\u2019s charging at us.<\/p>\n

The thunder grows louder. Jimmy and I are too terrified to move. I keep thinking, The fence\u2019ll slow him down. We\u2019ll have time to escape. <\/em><\/p>\n

But he doesn\u2019t pause at the fence. Like, I\u2019m not sure if he notices there is a fence. It bends before his weight as if on its own free will, and he keeps rushing us.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo!\u201d I say, but before Jimmy can move, Stone Brute\u2019s arm connects with Jimmy\u2019s chest. Jimmy moans and is airborne in a moment. I don\u2019t know if he\u2019s okay or not, because he ends up on the roof of the coffee shop and I can\u2019t see him. I can\u2019t see him because Stone Brute is lifting me into the air by my tie. I\u2019m being hanged by my tie.<\/p>\n

Two feet off the pavement, I swing my legs and clutch at my throat. My last words are, \u201cGack, ack, gack.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStoney,\u201d someone says. \u201cPut him down.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Admiral Atlantis from the League! He\u2019d never let Stone Brute kill a human. But Stoney\u2019s not listening, and I\u2019m still hanging here, choking.<\/p>\n

I slip my fingers between the tie and my neck. It\u2019s so taught I feel like my fingernails are ripping off. I jerk outward, and the tie falls off. I land on my ass.<\/p>\n

As my vision clears, I see Stoney\u2019s lips jammed outward in a pouty face and Admiral Atlantis shaking his finger at him. There are a few other super types around him. Not sure who. Too rainy. Eyes too foggy. Thank God Admiral Atlantis showed up.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t kill him here<\/em>,\u201d Atlantis says. I shake my head. Of course not. The League doesn\u2019t kill. \u201cToo many witnesses. Let\u2019s take him to the Red Ray\u2019s cave. We can bury him there. That\u2019s what Johnston would have wanted.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait,\u201d I say. \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

The last thing I see is the blue, gloved fist of Admiral Atlantis heading for me.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can\u2019t see anything. Well, I can see one thing. It\u2019s Atlantis\u2019s blue chest, pressed up against my face. He\u2019s reaching above me. He\u2019s handcuffing me to a pipe or something a few feet overhead. He smells like brine.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s awake,\u201d a voice says. It seems to happen in my head. It must be Eternity Ghost; he projects his thoughts into your brain. I used to be scared of him, but it\u2019s hard to be scared of someone you\u2019ve worked alongside, or against, for so long. Once, he had some kind of disease from the Seventh World and he couldn\u2019t control which <\/em>thoughts he projected into your brain. Hard to take someone seriously after you know he\u2019s afraid of getting an erection in his tights.<\/p>\n

Atlantis jerks back and stares at me. His face is still so close to mine I can\u2019t tell who else is in the room. But I know we\u2019re not alone.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho are you?\u201d he asks, his voice raw, like he\u2019s been screaming in anguish and mourning for days. Like if Ben Affleck played some kind of character who spent the whole movie yelling at people about his dead mother. Like, I don\u2019t know, if Christian Bale played a dude who got trained by monks, then had to kill the monks. That kind of raw voice.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Acolyte — I mean Fred Tully.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe said he\u2019s an Acolyte,\u201d Eternity Ghost says in my head. Somehow his <\/em>voice sounds raw and gravely too. But how can someone who isn\u2019t actually speaking hurt their voice? \u201cAre you one of the Black Skull\u2019s people? Did he put you up to this?\u201d<\/p>\n

I try to answer, but Admiral Atlantis is choking me too hard. Finally, he releases me. I drop to my knees, almost tugging my arms out of the sockets. Now I\u2019m dangling here, and I\u2019m not going to cry in front of the assholes who are going to kill me even though they always swear they don\u2019t kill humans. Not going to cry, not going to cry.<\/p>\n

Ah, screw it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m so sorry I didn\u2019t mean to but it just happened look I\u2019ve tried to hit him a thousand times with my Acolyte Dagger and he always blocks it or melts it or catches it and throws it back into my leg and I didn\u2019t expect to kill him and Black Skull told me to but I didn\u2019t want to and Black Skull was mad <\/em>at me even though he told me to do it and seriously like I didn\u2019t mean to do it I mean I saw his wife and kids dude and they were crying and all kinds of stuff I mean I don\u2019t even want to be a villain anymore I just want to paint h — I mean I\u2019m so sorry I\u2019m so so so so sorry,\u201d I say. Something like that. I\u2019m saying it through sobs; even I miss some of what I say.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re . . . you\u2019re nothing more than a goon<\/em>,\u201d the Incredible Stretching Woman says. \u201cA minion.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, goon,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomeone like you <\/em>wasn\u2019t supposed to kill the Red Ray,<\/em>\u201d she says, her face stretching into a goblin-like snarl on the emphasized words.<\/p>\n

\u201cWords hurt too, you know?\u201d I say as the tears fade.<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up,\u201d Stoney says. And when that big brute speaks, you listen.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it really was just an accident,\u201d Admiral Atlantis says. \u201cNo greater plan. Not the beginning of the Black Skull\u2019s Ascension, or the ghost of the murderer who killed the Red Ray\u2019s parents back for one last crime. Just a stupid accident where some stupid little minion killed one of the best of us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDude, I\u2019m right here,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n

Admiral Atlantis steps away and I see the incredible array of machinery in the Red Ray\u2019s lair. I know I\u2019m supposed to say \u201cRay Cave.\u201d But how come only villains have lairs? It\u2019s like a dirty word or something.<\/p>\n

The Red Ray wasn\u2019t kidding around; he\u2019s got some of the most impressive computers I\u2019ve ever seen. Things I didn\u2019t know existed. Holograms of heroes and villains scattered around the cave like icons on a desktop, hundreds of monitors, and ray guns of all sizes and shapes.<\/p>\n

\u201cStoney, Eternity Ghost, find a room in this cave to dispose of our guest,\u201d Admiral Atlantis says. \u201cFar from the equipment, and far from the entrance. Cherokee Scout, wait here with the goon while Stretch and I charge up the Red Ray\u2019s red ray and have a heart-to-heart about grief.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes sir,\u201d a chorus of voices says, and I hear hurried footsteps around me. I\u2019m left with the awkward Cherokee Scout, his bow slung over his shoulders, his feathers . . . I mean, he\u2019s wearing feathers. What the hell with this guy.<\/p>\n

In college, my roommate and I used to smoke pot and talk about the Supers. My roommate was half Caddo, half some other tribe I\u2019ve taken too many blows to the head to remember. And he hated Cherokee Scout. Said he gave American Indians a bad name. \u2018Why can\u2019t a native have just like normal superpowers? Why does he have to have Super-Indian<\/em> powers? I bet that dude\u2019s not even Cherokee.\u2019<\/p>\n

Yeah, Cherokee Scout. I may be a white dude, but I can still be pissed for my friend.<\/p>\n

So as soon as I\u2019m alone with him, I ask, \u201cCherokee Scout? What\u2019s up with you, anyway? Are you actually Cherokee?\u201d<\/p>\n

He doesn\u2019t look, but he says, \u201cMy grandfather was a Cherokee princess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh . . . okay. So what\u2019s your power? Like you\u2019re just really good at being American Indian, or what?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut up. What do you know about me?\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019s ready to punch me. And you know what? Why not let it go down this way? It\u2019ll be faster than whatever torture they\u2019re planning.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know there are some American Indians who know things besides whether deer poop is fresh or not. My college roommate was half Caddo, and he rocked kinesiology.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell are you implying?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, relax,\u201d I say. \u201cI\u2019m just saying, it\u2019s a surprise you made it through the Continuity Crisis in the 1990s, that\u2019s all I\u2019m saying.\u201d<\/p>\n

He punches me, and I feel a tooth break loose. But he\u2019s no Red Ray. That was a guy who could punch.<\/p>\n

We studied a lot about superheroes in college, about how obnoxious they are, how racist, how problematic. Bunch of big establishment jerks in tights. In the old days, they wouldn\u2019t even hire a superhero who was ethnic unless his power was being, like, really ethnic. In fact, turns out a lot of those supposed \u2018ethnic\u2019 superheroes were European . . .<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ever hear of Ancestry.com?\u201d I ask. \u201cMaybe you should try it; in a couple of weeks maybe you\u2019ll be calling yourself the Polish Scout or something.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cherokee Scout punches me again, and this time something breaks. But not something in me. His punch pushes me so far backward the pipe I\u2019m tied to breaks. It collapses and water pours into the cave and I\u2019m on the floor.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the — \u201d Cherokee Scout starts. Asshole. I bet his grandfather was a Polish<\/em> princess. I\u2019ve got a little bit of momentum, and though I\u2019m too weak to fight, a minion is never too weak to run.<\/p>\n

I push myself to my feet. I\u2019m standing, standing after a beating from half the League. And I\u2019m running, running about four feet before Stone Brute appears in front of me. The other League members stand behind him.<\/p>\n

I stumble backward and my arms reach out to brace my fall. But I\u2019m at the main computer terminal; I\u2019m not falling. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a big red button. It\u2019s labeled \u2018Alarm.\u2019 It\u2019ll go off and I can get away from these leotard-clad sociopaths. I slam my hand on it as hard as I can, which is unnecessary, because it\u2019s not like it\u2019s encased in glass. But where\u2019s the fun in gently pressing a big red button?<\/p>\n

\u201cInitiating defense sequence,\u201d the computer says in a silky, feminine voice. All sorts of lights and dials start flashing and buzzing; red sirens emerge from the top of the computer and wail like we\u2019re in some kind of death camp.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnalyzing threat,\u201d the computer says. \u201cComputer detects presence of League members without the Red Ray. Threat is League members turned rogue.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh,\u201d Admiral Atlantis says. \u201cI guess Red had a contingency plan for us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKill all League members,\u201d the computer says.<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh,\u201d Admiral Atlantis says. \u201cThat\u2019s a problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait, the Red Ray is dead! We\u2019re here to — \u201d the Incredible Stretching Woman starts. Then the rays start. The first ray fires from a massive cannon-like device beside the computer. It hits a mirror in the ceiling, bounces off, hits another mirror, bounces off . . . and it\u2019s continuing around the room, so quickly anyone who tries to leave will be shredded. Every time it bounces, it triggers another blast of the ray, another deadly red dart.<\/p>\n

A wicked hum fills the room, almost as loud as thunder, almost like Stoney\u2019s howl at the cemetery. But this has the unwavering sound of the mechanical.<\/p>\n

\u201cTarget acquired,\u201d the computer says.<\/p>\n

A pair of, I don\u2019t know, like, clamps on a thick chain drops from the ceiling; they snare the Incredible Stretching Woman around her neck and jerk up again, stretching her fifteen feet tall. There\u2019s the zap of a ray gun, and she splits in the middle. She\u2019s so taught the separate halves bounce away from each other and end up rolled like Fruit Roll-Ups. And I can\u2019t see any bones in there, so that answers that.<\/p>\n

\u201cJane!\u201d Admiral Atlantis shouts, reaching for her.<\/p>\n

Oh God, <\/em>I realize. I\u2019m going to have to go to another funeral. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cTarget acquired,\u201d the computer says. Another ray, this one less focused and more like an animation of sound waves, radiates from the computer. It surrounds Admiral Atlantis. He puts his hands up to fight, but can\u2019t do a thing. It\u2019s \u2013 oh god, it\u2019s draining the liquid out of his body. It\u2019s desiccating him right in front of me!<\/p>\n

I look away, to Eternity Ghost, who\u2019s floating toward the computer. Stoney\u2019s there too, smashing screens and ripping at wires, but none of it does anything.<\/p>\n

\u201cRays can\u2019t destroy me, Red Ray,\u201d Eternity Ghost says.<\/p>\n

\u201cTarget acquired,\u201d the computer says. This time, there is no ray. Rather, one of the mirrors flips over, revealing a sheet of smooth obsidian on its other side. The obsidian begins glowing.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d Eternity Ghost shouts. \u201cNot the Eternity Trap!\u201d He, too, lifts his hands to fight, but his hands are already being sucked away like dust towards a vacuum. The moment he\u2019s gone, one of the bouncing rays slams into the obsidian, which shatters into a thousand pieces.<\/p>\n

The loud humming stops. It\u2019s quiet in the cave. Even Stone Brute has stopped smashing. Maybe he finally hit the right button.<\/p>\n

\u201cStone-pulverizing ray charged,\u201d the computer says. \u201cTarget acquired.\u201d<\/p>\n

Another red ray, thick as an oak tree, and Stoney explodes into thousands of shards. The rocks fly around the room, shattering more computers, cutting my arms and face, raining over the bodies.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t expect to survive, but eventually, the rain stops, and there I am, bodies all around me. I\u2019m the only one standing, though I\u2019m not actually standing. I\u2019m sitting with my knees pressed against my chest. I\u2019m rocking back and forth. I don\u2019t know when I got into this position. I didn\u2019t even see Cherokee Scout die, but at some point the ray from some ray gun got him, and now they\u2019re all dead.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnalyzing threat,\u201d the computer says. \u201cLeague neutralized. One hostile remaining. Non-powered. Lethal force not authorized on non-powered targets. Escort from premises.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

By \u2018escort,\u2019 the machine apparently meant \u2018gas and eject,\u2019 because I wake up in soft, wet grass and the cave entrance is nowhere to be seen.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m bleeding, I\u2019m sore, and in the last three days, I\u2019ve killed like ten percent of the Super Powers on the planet. And I\u2019m not happy about it. This was never supposed to happen. Slowly, I stand. Breathing hurts both my neck and chest. My mouth is throbbing. I\u2019m missing more than six teeth. I\u2019m going to go paint some damn horsies.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ISAAC TEILE<\/strong> lives in Austin and feeds lots of stray cats. Follow him on Facebook or Tumblr (arqueogato.tumblr.com).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Isaac Teile   This wasn\u2019t supposed to happen. Someone of my stature bringing down the Red Ray. But here I am, frozen over the body, hand outstretched, still expecting him to spring up and punch me before uttering some stupid … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"parent":7449,"menu_order":3,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-7452","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P15duy-1Wc","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7452","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7452"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7452\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7460,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7452\/revisions\/7460"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/7449"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7452"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}