{"id":725,"date":"2010-10-27T00:01:21","date_gmt":"2010-10-27T04:01:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=725"},"modified":"2010-10-26T16:36:19","modified_gmt":"2010-10-26T20:36:19","slug":"the-seven-stages-of-sorrow","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/?page_id=725","title":{"rendered":"The Seven Stages of Sorrow"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Michael Frissore
\n
<\/br>
\nI. Crash<\/em><\/p>\n

When we got inside the teacup ride, Jay made it fly into the air like the Great Space Coaster.<\/p>\n

\u201cCheck it out,\u201d Jay said, positioning his arms as if to say Ta da<\/em>. \u00a0\u201cWe\u2019re flying, dude.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHoly crap!\u201d Colleen, Jay\u2019s girlfriend, said. \u00a0\u201cWhat are you? A witch?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d Jay replied.<\/p>\n

Colleen and I both stared at him.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, come on,\u201d Jay said. \u00a0\u201cLet’s not Snuffleupagus this. \u00a0You knew I had powers. \u00a0Remember that time I sent you to Rome instead of home?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, you know what?\u201d Colleen said. \u00a0\u201cThis is freaking me out. \u00a0I\u2019m outta here.\u201d \u00a0She then leaped out of the flying ride and to her death.<\/p>\n

\u201cColleen!\u201d Jay screamed. \u00a0\u201cDude,\u201d he then said. \u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t have magic powers.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think so,\u201d I replied, right before we hit a mountain.
\n
<\/br>
\nII. Grief<\/em><\/p>\n

What had actually happened was that some bolts came loose from the car and threw us into the air. \u00a0We survived the crash and, unlike Colleen, lived to go into litigation with the town that ran the fair. \u00a0Colleen\u2019s family won their case. \u00a0Jay and I each took a settlement. \u00a0The money from mine was enough that I could take a leave of absence from work to be on constant suicide watch over Jay. \u00a0The money could not replace Colleen. \u00a0He was despondent for weeks and would hardly talk to anyone. \u00a0He kept asking how and why we survived when Colleen didn\u2019t. \u00a0I didn\u2019t have any answers for him. \u00a0I told him it was just God\u2019s way. \u00a0God needed a hot, twenty-year-old college student and for Jay to be miserable.<\/p>\n

After a lot of pushing, Jay saw a doctor who put him on an anti-depressant. \u00a0Then I found him a support group for people with anxiety and depression. \u00a0It took me days to convince him to go to the group and he finally agreed, but only if I went with him. \u00a0So there we were in this horrible little room in a building next to a church that they used for support group meetings and intramural volleyball. \u00a0The room was full of sad sacks, all old enough to be our parents. \u00a0They were hypochondriacs, all worried about colliding with a busload of kindergarteners on the way to work or that the mole on their back might be cancerous.<\/p>\n

We sat there listening to a tape of some woman who had the magical cure for anxiety. \u00a0She gave us this brilliant piece of advice: \u201cThe secret is in the ability to wipe from your mind anything you don\u2019t want there.\u201d<\/p>\n

There. \u00a0Got it? \u00a0You\u2019re cured. \u00a0Where\u2019s my money? \u00a0I would have been more optimistic if she had said, \u201cThe secret is bacon. \u00a0Eat lots and lots of bacon, scrambled eggs and Minute Maid orange juice. \u00a0Not Tropicana, Minute Maid.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey,\u201d I whispered to Jay. \u00a0\u201cCan I just pay a homeless guy a dollar to squeegee my mind? \u00a0What if I wipe too hard and lose the ability to walk, drive, or play checkers?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jay began weeping. \u00a0Or maybe he was laughing. \u00a0I couldn\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong, Horatio?\u201d the group leader, Nina, asked Jay. \u00a0Other than a brief \u201cI see we have some new faces,\u201d in the beginning of the meeting, this was the first time Jay and I were acknowledged. \u00a0Jay told Nina and the group that his name was Horatio.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t have the equipment to wipe my mind of negative thoughts,\u201d Jay said.<\/p>\n

\u201cEquipment?\u201d Bob with OCD said. \u00a0\u201cYou don\u2019t physically wipe your mind, you jackass.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, it\u2019s go time,\u201d Jay said as he lunged at Bob and pounded him with his fists, all the while telling him that if he doesn\u2019t touch every street sign on the way home tonight, he\u2019s going to die. \u00a0I tried to pull Jay off of him, but I instantly hated Bob when we walked in.<\/p>\n

\u201cStop, Fellatio!\u201d I shouted. \u201cStop!\u201d<\/p>\n

Ulee, the sexy, forty-something European woman, who obviously had been taking a kickboxing class, pulled me off of Jay, and then Jay off of Bob and began slapping Jay\u2019s face with her feet.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry,\u201d she said to a fallen Jay. \u00a0\u201cMy doctor just upped my prescription.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about increased<\/em>?\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cHe increased<\/em> your prescription.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUpped<\/em> is a word,\u201d Bob said.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo is increased<\/em>,\u201d I replied. \u00a0\u201cAnd it\u2019s a better one, you freak.\u201d<\/p>\n

This started another battle resulting in Bob and I rolling around the entire building in a big puff of smoke like Popeye and Bluto. \u00a0I finally broke free and Jay and I ran to my car and got the hell out of there.
\n
<\/br>
\nIII. Fight <\/em><\/p>\n

So the group didn\u2019t work, and, despite the medication, Jay\u2019s depression was getting worse. \u00a0He sat home all day for weeks watching television. \u00a0Periodically, the old Jay would show up, but most of the time I would come home to a Gloomy Gus. \u00a0I knew I had to bring him out of this funk he was in. \u00a0I mean, life goes on, right? \u00a0Seize the day? \u00a0Look before you leap? \u00a0Whatever other clich\u00e9s may or may not sum up Jay\u2019s situation? \u00a0So when I came home one day to Jay sitting directly in front of the television, I knew I had to kick it up a notch.<\/p>\n

\u201cJay, sweetie,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t sit so close to the television. \u00a0You\u2019ll go blind.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, that\u2019s masturbation, dude,\u201d he replied.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t masturbate <\/em>so close to the television. \u00a0But I\u2019ll tell you, man, soap operas rule. \u00a0I\u2019m hooked on, like, five of them.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s fantastic,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cDude, I\u2019m trapped inside the tyranny of this cursed box. \u00a0Please help me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat would you like me to do?\u201d I said.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis thing is powerfully evil,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cIt\u2019s like Stalin, this oppressive bastard. \u00a0It\u2019s like Satan\u2019s magic eye, pulling me in like frigging Poltergeist<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, did you ever think that if Heather O\u2019Rourke from the Poltergeist <\/em>movies had lived, she would have posed for all those men\u2019s magazines? \u00a0I\u2019d bet she\u2019d be really hot.\u201d<\/p>\n

With this I kicked the television screen in, smashing Jay\u2019s fascist master.<\/p>\n

\u201cDude,\u201d Jay said. \u00a0\u201cThat\u2019s so not what I meant. \u00a0What the hell is wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJay,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cI know you miss Colleen, but a wise man or two once said, \u2018If you love something, set it free. \u00a0Yadda yadda yadda.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow does that\u2026\u201d Jay started to say, but he stopped, came toward me and kicked me in the testicles. \u00a0A good shot too. \u00a0My vision blurred.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, man,\u201d he continued, \u201cwhen one of the chicks who sang \u2018It\u2019s Raining Men\u2019 died, did I make fun of you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cA. Yes you did, B, I have no idea why. \u00a0It\u2019s not like I was a fan or even knew the woman\u2019s name. \u00a0And C, in no way am I making fun of you. \u00a0I\u2019m just trying to help you. \u00a0Get out. \u00a0Join something, like a book club or a cult.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI always wanted to learn a martial art.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWonderful. \u00a0That ruthless kick to my boys was a dandy start.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDo you know of any local cults?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. \u00a0We\u2019ll check the Yellow Pages.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Jay,\u201d I said, and as he turned around I bashed him in the face with a frying pan a la Tom & Jerry<\/em>. \u00a0That\u2019ll teach him to kick me in the nuts. \u00a0He lunged at me and grabbed my neck, trying to choke me. \u00a0I broke free, grabbed his bottle of beer to drink and spit in his face like a Japanese pro wrestler. \u00a0However, this was definitely not beer. \u00a0I gagged and spat this garbage out everywhere.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell is this?\u201d I demanded.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s my tobacco spit,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

I ran to the bathroom and threw up, realizing full well that I should have known not to drink from any open bottle in that place. \u00a0Jay\u2019s cups, jugs and bottles of chewing tobacco spit were everywhere.
\n
<\/br>
\nIV. Party<\/em><\/p>\n

After vomiting, I stormed out. \u00a0For the next week we spoke very little to each other. \u00a0It was quite childish. \u00a0Jay even put Scotch tape in the middle of the apartment to separate us like on some silly sitcom.<\/p>\n

One day I came home, chloroformed Jay and took him to our friend Tom\u2019s place for a party. \u00a0I didn\u2019t even let him put on cologne. \u00a0Screw that, I said.<\/p>\n

We showed up three hours early for Tom\u2019s party. \u00a0Tom was our friend, sort of. \u00a0Neither of us was close with him. \u00a0I ran into him at an adult video store a couple of nights before and he invited us. \u00a0I had worked with him at Walgreen\u2019s until he was fired for leaving a box cutter out and a four-year-old found it and cut his mother with it. \u00a0They were always left out, but nothing had ever happened until then.<\/p>\n

At the party, Jay was determined not to have fun. \u00a0He sat quietly on the sofa, nursing a beer. \u00a0The drink was more a prop for him than anything else. \u00a0He was very worried about mixing alcohol with the Paxil he was on. \u00a0He sat staring at the television as Poison\u2019s \u201cUnskinny Bop\u201d played on the stereo. \u00a0I was sitting in the bathtub, which was also acting as a makeshift cooler, watching him, and growing tired of his quietness.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Mr. Happy,\u201d I shouted. \u00a0\u201cSlow down, you\u2019re causing a scene. \u00a0I can\u2019t take you anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIs that sarcasm?\u201d he said as he came towards me.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou always could detect that, couldn\u2019t you? \u00a0Hey, you want another drink?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cI think I want to go home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, man? \u00a0Aren\u2019t you having fun?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I guess, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTom\u2019s gonna put in a Dokken CD next.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTom\u2019s upstairs throwing furniture out the window. \u00a0And it\u2019s nine o\u2019clock and you\u2019re already in the bathtub.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI need my rubber ducky, dude.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, well, about my leaving?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo go home. \u00a0What do you want, a permission slip?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, no.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDear Mrs. Teacher Person,\u201d I said, mime writing, \u201cJay has my permission to go on a magical mystery field trip home. \u00a0Please whack him with a ping-pong paddle exactly one hundred times, dip him in hot mustard, and toss him in the garbage. \u00a0Hugs and kisses, His Daddy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, thank you,\u201d Jay said. \u00a0\u201cBut you know I need your assistance to get home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, right. \u00a0Sorry, dude. \u00a0Where\u2019s my wand?\u201d I said, searching through the ice in the tub. \u00a0\u201cOkay, here we go. \u00a0Alakazam<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jay then became a giant squid. \u00a0Or maybe he didn\u2019t. \u00a0I sort of passed out around here. \u00a0I woke up still in the tub and freezing the next morning to find out someone had taken Jay home at around eleven.
\n
<\/br>
\nV. Desert Caravan<\/em><\/p>\n

Jay was a little upset with me for not \u201cbeing there\u201d for him. \u00a0His depression was still getting worse. \u00a0Not only was the Paxil not working, it had made him so tired that he kept falling asleep while driving. \u00a0The state took his driver’s license away and declared him a bigger hazard behind the wheel than Mr. Magoo. \u00a0Plus, the sexual dysfunction, a possible side effect he initially laughed at, was now making him completely crazy. \u00a0Jay’s doctor recommended a long vacation. \u00a0I suggested Vegas, but Jay wanted to go to Europe. \u00a0I then suggested Amsterdam, but Jay said he wanted to caravan through the desert.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich desert?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t know,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cThe Gobi?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe Gobi Desert isn’t in Europe,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cIt’s in Mongolia.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen Mongolia it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

Holy shit. \u00a0I told Jay that being a mongoloid doesn’t mean he has any kind of ties to Mongolia, and that we have decent deserts in America, but his mind was made up. \u00a0Four weeks later we were caravanning through the Gobi Desert. \u00a0I don’t know where he got the camels, but they were freaking me out. \u00a0Between the heat and the movement of the creature underneath me, I grew sick of it fast, but at least Jay seemed to be in a good mood.<\/p>\n

\u201cJay,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cWhy are we in a desert in Mongolia?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt’s nice. \u00a0Don’t you think?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNice?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, it’s just that life is fragile, you know? \u00a0People come, and then they go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re young. \u00a0You can\u2019t let Colleen\u2019s death ruin your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not just her,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cI think of all the people who\u2019ve died. \u00a0Rock stars, professional wrestlers. \u00a0I wanted to be a rock star or wrestler when I was a kid. \u00a0I\u2019d probably be dead myself if my dreams had come true.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cProbably.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, we should go to India, or something. \u00a0How far is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIndia?\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cWell, I hear the dollar to rupee rate is quite good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe currency in India is the date rape drug?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot roofie. \u00a0Rupee<\/em>,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cBut, I don\u2019t understand, as I was saying, why, of all things, we\u2019re caravanning through a God-forsaken desert like Hope and frigging Crosby.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m dying.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI found out a few weeks ago that I have AIDS and I’m dying.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAIDS?\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dentist has a thing for prostitutes and heroin.\u201d<\/p>\n

“Wow. \u00a0Why didn’t you tell me this before? \u00a0I’m sorry.”<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cNow I have to stop taking the Paxil because of the AZT. \u00a0I\u2019m gonna lose so much weight. \u00a0You should get AIDS, dude.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think I\u2019m fat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m just goofing around. \u00a0I\u2019m not dying.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou are such a jackass.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cYou know what, man. \u00a0I think I\u2019ll be all right. \u00a0I mean, it took a while, but I think this helped. \u00a0And, you know, you\u2019ve been\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, Jay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell is that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Coming right towards us was an unruly gang of Mongolian ninjas. \u00a0We hopped off our camels and grabbed our swords, which were Jay\u2019s idea to bring. \u00a0There were seven of them and only two of us, but we handled ourselves beautifully. \u00a0It was a clean sweep. \u00a0We killed every one of them, and fell, exhausted, into each other’s arms.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Jay,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cLet’s never argue again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, let’s not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJay, darling, will you marry me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, yes. \u00a0Yes, my sweet, yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d the camels seemed to say to each other, as romantic music and rose pedals filled the wonderful Gobi Desert. \u00a0We were married two weeks later in Japan by Akira, the Samurai Justice of the Peace.
\n
<\/br>
\nVI. New Love<\/em><\/p>\n

Our families were shocked when we announced that we were married. \u00a0They had no idea we were gay, and neither did we, really. \u00a0We honeymooned in Provincetown, where we walked along the beach and took in a drag queen production of The Golden Girls. <\/em>It was the most beautiful week of our lives. \u00a0Jay and I bought a little place in the Berkshires and lived happily with our dog. \u00a0Jay seemed to be much happier. \u00a0All of the moping he was doing about Colleen gave way to his fighting for gay rights. \u00a0It was an amazing transformation.<\/p>\n

One autumn day Jay was outside doing yard work as I went about the kitchen, preparing lunch and making cocoa. \u00a0Jay walked into the house covered with leaves. \u00a0I freaked out and dragged him into the patio.<\/p>\n

\u201cDude, what the hell?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re covered in leaves,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cYou don\u2019t walk into the house like that.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI was just playing in the leaves with Dog.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are you, seven? \u00a0Those leaves are disgusting. \u00a0I don\u2019t even want Dog playing in them. \u00a0Now she\u2019s got to be washed and the kitchen has to be mopped.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, man.\u201d<\/p>\n

He left as I started cleaning the kitchen. \u00a0When he returned, he was carrying a giant sack over his shoulder like Santa Claus. \u00a0He opened the sack and began taking wet leaves out and throwing them at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat is wrong with you? \u00a0Stop it,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cPick up these leaves and go back outside.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jay began picking the leaves up off the floor and putting them back into the bag. \u00a0I went to get the mop out of the closet. \u00a0I moved some things around and there hung one of Colleen\u2019s old jackets. \u00a0Why did he still have this? \u00a0I thought we had given all of her things away.<\/p>\n

\u201cJay,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cDo you think we were meant for each other?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I mean we haven\u2019t even had sex. \u00a0Are we really gay?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHmm,\u201d Jay said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m gay.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, man. \u00a0Don\u2019t ruin what we have.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do we have exactly?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe have Dog and each other,\u201d Jay said. \u00a0\u201cAnd, by the way, Holly Golightly, why don\u2019t you name this poor dog? \u00a0You\u2019ve had him for almost a year.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHer<\/em>. \u00a0We\u2019ve<\/em> had her<\/em> for almost a year. \u00a0But I\u2019m the one who paid for her. \u00a0I\u2019ll call her what I want to. \u00a0Now, go away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jay and Dog went back outside as I continued with lunch and the cocoa. \u00a0I thought more about our situation: the wedding, the honeymoon, the house. \u00a0Why did we rush through it so fast? \u00a0Was I just playing a role? \u00a0Why was I suddenly questioning it all? \u00a0Weren\u2019t we both happy again?<\/p>\n

I looked out the window and saw a giant wind blowing and leaves scattering through the air. \u00a0Then I saw Jay and Dog floating among the leaves. \u00a0They were going higher and higher. \u00a0I went to the porch to take a look, but they weren\u2019t outside. \u00a0When the wind stopped, I went out to look for them. \u00a0They were gone, nowhere to be found. \u00a0My last words to Jay were, \u201cNow, go away.\u201d
\n
<\/br>
\nVII. Floating Away<\/em><\/p>\n

Bob Dylan said the answer is blowing in the wind. \u00a0My two best friends were blowing in the wind and never came back. \u00a0I never saw Jay or Dog again. \u00a0It was as if God plucked them right from me. \u00a0So, if you\u2019re out in the park or a supermarket parking lot, and you look up to see a big, dumb, football-player-looking guy and a golden retriever flying above you, tell them to come home. \u00a0The cocoa is ready.
\n
<\/br>
\n
<\/br>
\nMICHAEL FRISSORE<\/strong> is the author of a poetry chapbook called Poetry is Dead<\/em>. His fiction has appeared or is forthcoming in Monkeybicycle, Gold Dust’s Solid Gold Anthology, Fast Forward Volume 3, The Houston Literary Review, and elsewhere. He writes for SlurveMag.com and blogs at michaelfrissore.blogspot.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Michael Frissore I. Crash When we got inside the teacup ride, Jay made it fly into the air like the Great Space Coaster. \u201cCheck it out,\u201d Jay said, positioning his arms as if to say Ta da. \u00a0\u201cWe\u2019re flying, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":713,"menu_order":4,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-725","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P15duy-bH","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/725","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=725"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/725\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":726,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/725\/revisions\/726"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/713"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jerseydevilpress.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=725"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}