by Hilary Gan
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\nWhen Death, black-haired and looking rather ridiculously like Tom Selleck, climbed through the bedroom window, Ayesha was on top of the quilt turning the electronic pages of her Kindle through the newest Janet Evanovich.\u00a0 Death raised a hand in greeting and flicked his cigarette out the window.\u00a0 The ember traced his own trajectory through the night.<\/p>\n
\u201cWeren’t you in my mom’s hospital room last month?\u201d she asked him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah,\u201d Death said.\u00a0 \u201cSorry to see you again so soon.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you mind if I just finish this chapter?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat’s how you elect to spend your final minutes?\u201d<\/p>\n
Ayesha shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cThat’s what I would be doing anyway.\u201d<\/p>\n
Death crooked the corner of his mouth.<\/p>\n
\u201cI’m not here for you.\u00a0 But I admire your attitude.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ayesha’s pulse skyrocketed and her mouth went dry.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, no.\u201d<\/p>\n
Death went around to the other side of the bed and shook Larry, who opened a bleary eye and said, \u201cWho are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDeath,\u201d Death said, and stuck out a hand.\u00a0 Larry flailed his legs wildly and landed on the floor beside the bed with a thump.\u00a0 Death sighed and stuck his hand back in his pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cEvery time.\u00a0 No one wants to shake hands. \u00a0It’s like when you see someone you think you know and start to wave and then realize you don’t know them and have to fix your hair instead.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot cool,\u201d Larry said.\u00a0 \u201cNot fucking cool<\/em>.\u00a0 I talked to Apollo about this.\u00a0 Why are you here?\u201d<\/p>\n Death checked his watch.\u00a0 \u201cYou’re about to have an aortic embolism. \u00a0Well, in like ten minutes. \u00a0I came early.\u00a0 It’s policy with Olympic litigators.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but I talked to Apollo, and he said\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNice try, buddy.\u00a0 Think I haven’t heard that one before?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt’s true,\u201d Ayesha said quietly.\u00a0 Both their heads swiveled to look at her.\u00a0 \u201cApollo came to work in his firm as an intern after that whole mess with Delphyne, and Larry always made sure he got his Venti Caramel Macchiato.\u00a0 He worked it out with the Fates.\u00a0 If Larry can find someone else to die for him, he’s exempt.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, shit,\u201d Death said slowly, and reached into his pocket for his cell phone.\u00a0 He dialed a number and it rang three times; Ayesha could hear it, faint and electronic against the wet silence of the nighttime.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, it’s Death.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 I have this guy here, Larry Pancio?\u00a0 He says\u2014uh-huh.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 Alright.\u00a0 Sorry, I didn’t see the exemptions list yet.\u00a0 Dude, it’s scheduled for 11:59 tonight, it should have been on last week’s. \u00a0I think the new guy forgot to adjust for time zones.\u00a0 Okay.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 See you in a few.\u201d<\/p>\n He hung up.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Hermes will be here in a minute and he can totally take you around to ask people.\u201d<\/p>\n Larry exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, Ayesh,\u201d he said, and smiled his half-smile at her.\u00a0 She smiled back.\u00a0 Her hands shook.\u00a0 Larry started to hoist himself up on to the bed, but Death put his hand out in a warning and Larry froze.<\/p>\n \u201cDude, you’re supposed to be sleeping. \u00a0Don’t exert yourself or you might trigger your embolism before we can straighten this out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d Larry said.\u00a0 \u201cThanks.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, sure.\u00a0 Reversals are way more paperwork than exemptions.\u201d<\/p>\n They were silent for a moment; out the open window Ayesha could hear the gutters dripping.<\/p>\n \u201cHas anyone ever told you you look like Tom Selleck?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cNot that often, though.\u00a0 Usually people are crying and can’t see that well.\u00a0 It’s mostly old ladies who notice.\u00a0 I used to get Archimedes a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n There was a knock at the door.\u00a0 Death sauntered over and opened it, and Hermes walked in.\u00a0 He was tall and thin and wearing Ray-Bans.<\/p>\n \u201cDude,\u201d said Death.\u00a0 \u201cWhat’s with the sunglasses at night?\u201d<\/p>\n Hermes pushed them up onto his head.\u00a0 His irises were golden.<\/p>\n \u201cHad a meeting with Helios.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey’re pretty baller shades, though,\u201d Death said wistfully.\u00a0 \u201cI’m hoping I can trade Bob Dylan ten extra minutes for his.\u00a0 I mean, he churned out Blowin’ in the Wind<\/em> in ten minutes, I think it’s a fair trade.\u201d<\/p>\n Hermes turned to Larry.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you’re our man,\u201d he said, smiling.\u00a0 The smile made him look like a bank teller.\u00a0 He picked Larry up gently and set him on his feet.\u00a0 \u201cWhere are we headed?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess my parents are the logical choice,\u201d Larry said, looking at Ayesha for confirmation.<\/p>\n \u201cDid they, ever, you know, say they would die for you?\u201d she asked anxiously.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, not in so many words.\u00a0 But they’re my parents.\u00a0 And they’re old.\u201d<\/p>\n Hermes pulled out his iPhone and tapped the screen a few times.<\/p>\n \u201cThey’re in Boise?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d Larry said.\u00a0 \u201cWhat, do you have an app for that?’<\/p>\n Hermes held up the phone. \u201cNo, I’m playing Words With Friends with the Muses.\u201d\u00a0 He tapped his temple.\u00a0 \u201cAll-knowing, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n He put his phone away and dropped his sunglasses back over his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYou ready?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWait, will I get to come back here?\u201d Larry asked, turning towards Ayesha.\u00a0 \u201cJust in case?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yeah,\u201d said Death.\u00a0 \u201cI’m going to hang out here.\u00a0 This is the departure point on file, no point moving it when Hermes is on the job.\u00a0 Easier to bring whoever it is back here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d Larry said, and smiled at Ayesha again.\u00a0 \u201cSee you soon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLove you,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cLove you, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Hermes took his elbow and they shut the door behind them.<\/p>\n Death leaned against the dresser.<\/p>\n \u201cIs it cool if I smoke in here?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d she said, \u201cwhatever keeps you in a good mood.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI like you,\u201d he said, packing his pack of cigarettes.\u00a0 \u201cSo pragmatic.\u00a0 Most people freak out if they have to stay in the room with me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you do exemptions a lot?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI mean, they’re not the norm,\u201d he said, lighting his cigarette.\u00a0 \u201cBut the gods confer favors where they will.\u00a0 All-powerful and whatever.\u201d<\/p>\n He took a drag and exhaled a neat stream of smoke.<\/p>\n \u201cPretty cool that you guys are tight with Apollo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I guess it came in handy,\u201d Ayesha said.\u00a0 \u201cI didn’t think we’d have to call in any favors this soon, though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEmbolisms are nasty buggers,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cCan’t really detect them.\u00a0 Vague warning signs.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha nodded and curled her knees up to her chin.\u00a0 She rocked a little while she tried to put her words in order, then asked, \u201cSo… is there ever any difficulty?\u00a0 Finding a replacement?\u201d<\/p>\n Death squinted at her.<\/p>\n \u201cNot usually.\u00a0 I’ve had one or two that had to go anyway.\u00a0 That was a fucking mess. \u00a0But nah, you humans are all into that love shit.\u00a0 There’s always someone.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha nodded.<\/p>\n A beep sounded from Death’s pocket.<\/p>\n \u201cThat’ll be Hermes,\u201d he said, shifting into a standing position to dig his cell phone out with the hand that wasn’t holding the cigarette.\u00a0 He opened the phone and then frowned.\u00a0 \u201cHm.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ayesha asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess they said no,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cThat’s weird.\u00a0 Usually it’s the parents who go for it.\u00a0 Especially if there’s preexisting conditions.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLarry’s parents are pretty healthy,\u201d Ayesha said.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but his mom’s got that\u2014oh, shit, you guys don’t know about that yet.\u201d\u00a0 His frown deepened.\u00a0 \u201cI hope Hermes told her that.\u00a0 Kind of an important disclosure, given the circumstances.\u201d\u00a0 His free thumb tapped the phone keypad.\u00a0 \u201cThen again, it might have been all too much at once.\u00a0 That can happen sometimes.\u00a0 Natural reaction, really.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha wrapped a set of fingers around each opposing wrist in a manacle grip.<\/p>\n \u201cNow who can he ask?\u201d<\/p>\n Death held up a finger while he finished his message, and then slid the phone back into his pocket.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess his aunt was pretty close to him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight, Aunt Lisa.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd then they said they’d try his best friend Marty.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha nodded again.<\/p>\n \u201cThey served together in Desert Storm.\u201d<\/p>\n They sat in silence again; a cricket chirped from somewhere in the house.<\/p>\n \u201cIt’s going to have to be me, isn’t it,\u201d Ayesha said, her voice scratchy.<\/p>\n Death looked at her shrewdly.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 Most likely.\u00a0 If it’s not the parents, it’s the spouse.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill it hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFor an exemption-taker?\u201d he guffawed.\u00a0 \u201cTotally not.\u00a0 You’ll even get a pretty nice space down there.\u00a0 Fruit trees and whatnot.\u00a0 Aphrodite has a soft spot for exemption-takers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d she said, but then she noticed he was examining his nails.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat’s the catch, Death?\u201d she asked, her voice too high.<\/p>\n \u201cNo catch,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cEverything’ll be gravy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou’re a rotten liar.\u201d<\/p>\n He sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cYou noticed, huh?\u00a0 Yeah, it comes with the job description.\u00a0 Fairly straightforward and all, Death is.\u201d<\/p>\n He grinned at her.\u00a0 She glared at him, and he held his hands up in defeat.<\/p>\n \u201cI swear there’s no pain.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThen what is it?\u201d<\/p>\n He folded his arms over his t-shirt.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen you do this, you’re giving up your self for another person.\u00a0 You’re literally taking his place.\u00a0 You won’t… remember anything else.\u00a0 Your whole being, your soul, the part that survives your body, will be dedicated to this one act.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo love,\u201d Ayesha said fiercely.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 To love.\u00a0 It’s like you’re sacrificing your self directly to Aphrodite.\u00a0 Hence, the fruit trees.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNectar for nectar?\u201d Ayesha asked, smiling a little.<\/p>\n Death looked at her.<\/p>\n \u201cThis Marty guy better say yes.\u00a0 For a human you’re really not half bad.\u201d<\/p>\n Death’s cell phone beeped.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, one out of three.\u201d\u00a0 He checked the message.\u00a0 \u201cShit.\u00a0 Well, one out of four ain’t bad odds, either.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha sighed and put her feet over the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you doing?\u00a0 We’ve still got Marty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know they served together and all, but Marty’s kind of a bastard,\u201d she said, going over to the closet.\u00a0 \u201cHe wouldn’t change his vacation dates for our wedding.\u00a0 Think I’ll need a sweater?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBabe,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt’s Hades.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood point.\u201d\u00a0 She let the hanger swing back into place.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have kids?\u00a0 I can let you say goodbye,\u201d he offered.<\/p>\n \u201cMaggie’s at college out west,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cIt’ll be better if Larry tells her.\u00a0 If I call and say, ‘Hey, I’m dying for your dad,’ it won’t go over well.\u00a0 And she might try to take his place instead.\u201d<\/p>\n Death nodded and said, \u201cThe anger phase goes better when you’re not present for it.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha looked down at her hands.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is weird.\u00a0 Leaving for somewhere and not bringing anything with me.\u201d<\/p>\n He waved a hand in dismissal.<\/p>\n \u201cYou’ll get used to it.\u201d\u00a0 He paused.\u00a0 \u201cAre you, like, sure about this?\u00a0 What is Larry going to say?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI’m not going to let him say anything,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cThe anger phase goes better when you’re not present for it.\u201d<\/p>\n Death smiled slightly.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, let’s wait to hear about Marty, anyway.\u00a0 We’ll have a couple getaway seconds in between.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay,\u201d she said, and sat down on the bed again to wait.<\/p>\n After a minute in silence she said, \u201cI never thought cell phones would be so integral in my death.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBeats the hell out of memos, not to mention sheepskin,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cIt’s lessened Hermes’ workload considerably.\u00a0 He gets way more tail now.\u00a0 Less snappy, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha rolled her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cGlad we could help.\u201d<\/p>\n Death’s phone beeped; Ayesha held her breath even though she knew she shouldn’t.\u00a0 Death cursed.<\/p>\n \u201cMarty really is a bastard,\u201d he said.\u00a0 \u201cHow could you say no to your best friend’s face like that?\u00a0 It’s one thing to renege.\u00a0 This is just cold.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha stood up.\u00a0 Her hands trembled and her breaths came quickly but she reached out to take Death’s hand.<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure you don’t want to say goodbye?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n She smiled sadly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt’s better if we just go.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know him best,\u201d he said, shrugging, and flicked his cigarette out the window again.\u00a0 \u201cYou ready?\u201d<\/p>\n She said nothing, only placed her small, trembling dark hand in his great pale one.\u00a0 His fingers were cool and dry.\u00a0 He led her over to the window.<\/p>\n \u201cSucks, you know,\u201d he said, as she threw a leg over the sill into the damp air.\u00a0 \u201cI was hoping we could hang out in Hades.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy can’t we?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cHoney, in about three seconds the only thing you’ll be able to speak of with any coherency is Larry.\u201d<\/p>\n Ayesha looked up at him.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess that would be bad date etiquette,\u201d she said.\u00a0 \u201cObsessing over another guy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe kiss of death,\u201d he agreed, and followed her out the window. by Hilary Gan When Death, black-haired and looking rather ridiculously like Tom Selleck, climbed through the bedroom window, Ayesha was on top of the quilt turning the electronic pages of her Kindle through the newest Janet Evanovich.\u00a0 Death raised a … Continue reading
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\nHILARY GAN<\/strong> is a klutz who resides in Tempe, Arizona. She earned an interdisciplinary degree in biology and philosophy from Arizona State University, where she also studied creative writing under Ron Carlson. He taught her that fact has nothing to do with truth and that even eating should be secondary to writing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"