by Jenny Ortiz
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\nMy hand moved to my nose to catch the blood before it fell on my grease-stained uniform.\u00a0 Ducking into the bathroom before a customer called me over, I examined my nose in the mirror, but couldn\u2019t see anything. \u00a0I sniffed a few times; a metallic smell remained in my nostrils. \u00a0After rolling my neck, and hearing the vertebrae crack, I went back to work.<\/p>\n
The pitcher of iced tea felt heavier in my hand; the scraping of forks against plates seemed louder. \u00a0The booths were filled with people in church clothes, their faces smudged with ketchup, fingers tapping at the rims of their cups as they waited for refills. \u00a0Three different table jukeboxes were playing heavy metal and Spanish ballads. \u00a0Truck drivers sat in stools eating full meals of eggs, ham, cheese, and some avocado on the side. \u00a0Smells of cooking oil and pancake mix permeated the diner.<\/p>\n
Jaynus walked in and took a seat in my section, which made me press my lips together. \u00a0Although his long blond hair covered his eyes, I knew he was looking out the window; I could almost feel the twitch at the corner of his left eye as he watched vigilantly. \u00a0We were always looking over our shoulders, but this time we were expecting her. \u00a0There\u2019d been a time when Jaynus and I dreamt that running away would mean the hot sun on our skin, the taste of fresh coffee, waking up in a new city. \u00a0But then hiding in train cars, jumping over fences, and washing up in the bathrooms of gas stations started wearing us down. \u00a0We no longer wanted to work long hours while sweat soaked the elastic of our underwear in order to pay for our daily meals and a motel room.<\/p>\n
Jaynus had begun staying up at night, studying the Bible and thinking about God. \u00a0I wasn\u2019t God-fearing; I just wanted a big house and some money to spend. \u00a0After sex, I\u2019d start falling asleep, and he\u2019d start quoting Scripture. \u00a0Not that we were having sex as much as we used to\u2014that began to fall apart soon after we got to Puerto Rico. \u00a0Fugitives, we learned, don\u2019t get much time to sit on the beach and sip margaritas. \u00a0We avoided places full of Americans and took jobs right outside of Aguadilla; while I waited tables, Jaynus did odds and ends for different construction sites.<\/p>\n
I brought him a beer and left him to his thoughts. \u00a0I\u2019d never intended to be with Jaynus so long, but when you\u2019re fourteen and climbing a fence with barbed wire, you don\u2019t think of doing it by yourself. \u00a0It\u2019d taken a long time for our thin bodies to fill out again, for the skin of our feet to heal. \u00a0The taste of grass came back every now and again, making my face grow tight with shame.<\/p>\n
Thirteen kids had escaped with us from the government sponsored orphanage. \u00a0We were two out of four that remained. \u00a0Three had died in the woods. \u00a0They\u2019d been weak, their thoughts feverish with their mothers\u2019 voices, the taste of fresh water, the warmth of a clean bed. \u00a0Struggling to keep them standing, we\u2019d dragged and pulled their bodies over thick tree roots and under dangling branches; before we reached the road, they\u2019d slid off our shoulders. \u00a0I don\u2019t remember if I cried for them. \u00a0At one point, Jaynus had pulled at the bark of a dead tree until his nails were broken, leaving the skin underneath raw and exposed. \u00a0His fingers were swollen the next day, and we feared he might lose one of his hands if we didn\u2019t find some medicine.\u00a0 A few of the girls had kept sniffling, but had I? \u00a0Asking Jaynus about it would be useless; he refused to remember. \u00a0He couldn\u2019t even tell me what\u2019d happened the day before.<\/p>\n
The rest of us had separated, but slowly the others were found. \u00a0We were too valuable to be lost. \u00a0You pump enough drugs into a kid\u2019s arm and there are bound to be good results, or at least a guide to what not to do to the human body. \u00a0Building heroes is expensive; we were expensive. \u00a0While we bragged about riding our bikes without handlebars, they could brag about making new antibiotics, leading a nation with one speech, and guiding missiles by satellite. \u00a0No matter how old we got, how strong our muscles became, we\u2019d always be grubby kids with mud streaking our thin legs and knots in our hair, running away aimlessly in our thin white underwear.<\/p>\n
\u201cMirah, another beer,\u201d Jaynus called out.<\/p>\n
Glancing over at him, I was surprised to find Utah sitting across from him. \u00a0I\u2019d loved Utah. \u00a0We had escaped with her. \u00a0The day she left us, I\u2019d stood with her on the train platform. \u00a0She was shouldering a taped-up duffel bag and looking ahead, her jaw tight and her stern glare focused. \u00a0She\u2019d refused to answer any of my questions. \u00a0Men in white vans pulled up just as the train for Manhattan was pulling in.\u00a0 I tried to board with her, but she pushed me away roughly, her hand against the new tattoo I\u2019d gotten\u2014Utah\u2019s name on the flat space between my breasts. \u00a0She\u2019d watched through the window as Jaynus and I ran from the men. \u00a0We didn\u2019t stopped until we found a sewer entrance too tight for them to follow us in; we\u2019d stayed for two days underground before we felt safe enough to come out.<\/p>\n
As I headed toward their table now, Utah and Jaynus were in deep conversation. \u00a0Utah\u2019s fingers pulled at her sleeves; the fabric tightened over her shoulders. \u00a0Placing the beer between them, I continued to another booth to take an order. \u00a0Through the loud buzz of voices, I could hear Jaynus telling Utah about the places we\u2019d been, but I couldn\u2019t catch her responses.<\/p>\n
Within an hour the rush had died down, and I was able to join them. \u00a0Jaynus\u2019 face was tense; Utah was crying.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho\u2019s she crying for?\u201d \u00a0My teeth were clenched as I spoke.<\/p>\n
\u201cOnly reason people cry like that is because their heart\u2019s been broken.\u201d \u00a0Jaynus\u2019 lips barely moved; his hand cupped his face as if he were deciphering a mathematical equation in his head.<\/p>\n
\u201cExpert, huh?\u201d I said to him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou tell me.\u201d<\/p>\n
His gaze moved away from me towards Utah. \u00a0Her thin body was slightly hunched; her gold hoops moved every time she wiped her face with the sleeve stretched over her slender, tanned hands. \u00a0Those hands were still dark, their palms round, like full moons whose edges are tinted red. \u00a0Although she was small and slouched, everything about Utah felt big, without boundaries.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy are you here?\u201d I snapped at her.<\/p>\n
\u201cMy boyfriend turned me in.\u201d<\/p>\n
Utah\u2019s tongue was thick with a coat of saliva, which made her sentence sound fragmented.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou told him about us?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI thought I could trust him.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat was a bad move. \u00a0He did it for the reward money? \u00a0I can\u2019t believe they\u2019re still offering money for each of us\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re government property,\u201d Jaynus said, looking down at his hands.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey used us\u2014they knew they could, because we didn\u2019t have any family\u2014eventually we would\u2019ve died. \u00a0Don\u2019t tell me you feel sorry for leaving,\u201d I said to Jaynus. \u00a0Then I turned to Utah. \u00a0\u201cWait. \u00a0Knowing they\u2019re coming for you, you came to us. \u00a0You\u2019re risking our<\/em> lives?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t have anywhere to go,\u201d she said between her clenched teeth.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t have anywhere to go, either, when you left me,\u201d I snarled.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t start.\u201d \u00a0Jaynus looked at me. \u00a0\u201cWe have to get out of here. \u00a0There\u2019s a bus going to the capitol; we\u2019ll meet up with Ralph. \u00a0We can stay at his place until we can get a flight.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBack to the States? \u00a0They\u2019ll find us.\u201d<\/p>\n I tried to walk away, but Jaynus grabbed my arm.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019ll find us here. \u00a0How big do you think this island is?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLet me finish up my shift. \u00a0We\u2019ll need the money,\u201d I muttered before walking away from their teary faces. \u00a0Together they were remaking their memories; I could see them telling themselves that the hunger and the dirt hadn\u2019t been so bad. <\/br> \u201cYou\u2019re still mad at me,\u201d Utah said.<\/p>\n My eyes moved from Utah to Jaynus, whose hair covered his face. \u00a0Before stroking his hair, I answered her: \u201cDid you think anything would change between us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve gotten hard.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd you\u2019re still weepy.\u201d<\/p>\n We remained silent for several moments.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd Eli? \u00a0Have you talked to him?\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled a little nervously.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s dead.\u201d \u00a0My voice was steady as I stared out the window. \u00a0In my memories I could see Eli\u2019s sharp bones, his hollow cheeks sticking to his teeth when he spoke. \u00a0He\u2019d designed the tattoo on my chest, but we\u2019d gone in different directions before he could see it.<\/p>\n \u201cHow?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey chased him towards a moving train.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere are only three of us left then.\u201d \u00a0Her voice sounded weary. \u00a0\u201cThey captured the rest. \u00a0They\u2019re back in the facility.\u201d<\/p>\n I tried to stifle my laugh with my hand, but stained my sleeve instead; my nose was bleeding again.<\/p>\n \u201cAt the facility,\u201d said Utah, \u201cthey have drugs to stop the nosebleeds.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWads of tissue seem to stop my nosebleeds just fine. \u201c<\/p>\n Jaynus, awake now, squeezed my hand tightly; I opted to remain silent the rest of the way. \u00a0Utah\u2019s face was blank. <\/br> \u201cHere we are,\u201d Jaynus said.<\/p>\n Ralph greeted us with cold beers and greasy tortillas. \u00a0We grabbed the food greedily. \u00a0Ralph\u2019s living room smelled damp; the black line of mold on the wall reminded me of the cell in which we\u2019d been placed. \u00a0One cell for twenty children; no windows, no toilet. \u00a0A leaky roof. \u00a0Fights that led to small hands ripping weakly at dirty hair as we pushed one another aside in order to catch the brown water falling from the ceiling. \u00a0The smell of one little girl\u2019s infected mouth on my face as she tried to grab food from my hands.<\/p>\n I shivered. \u00a0Of course they\u2019d want to capture us: we were ugly. \u00a0Were Utah and Jaynus really thinking about it?<\/p>\n They\u2019d promised to return us to our lives. \u00a0To return us to big backyards, the games we played with our friends, the bedtime stories our parents had read to us. \u00a0They told us they\u2019d even bring our parents to visit.<\/p>\n We\u2019d been so focused on our parents\u2019 weepy eyes that it\u2019d taken us a long time to realize they wore the same white uniforms as the scientists. \u00a0That our parents stopped crying and began taking notes. \u00a0That\u2019s when we figured it out: even our happy childhoods were an experiment. \u00a0We\u2019d be the new humans, better than any soldier, loyal and strong. \u00a0We\u2019d been made to win wars. \u00a0A great soldier didn\u2019t just have special abilities; he or she also had memories of a great family, something we could fight for. \u00a0We\u2019d been given a taste of happiness\u2014then medication, three times a day, so we\u2019d be willing to protect our memory of that happiness, though it had never been real in the first place.<\/p>\n After eating, Utah walked over to the bookshelf.\u00a0 My eyes moved from her legs to her collarbone and mouth.<\/p>\n \u201cDid anyone follow you?\u201d\u00a0 Ralph patted my back.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d \u00a0I gulped down my beer.<\/p>\n Ralph had been the security guard at the facility who\u2019d \u201caccidently\u201d left our cell door unlocked. \u00a0He\u2019d also left two loaves of fresh bread on the table with a steak knife beside them. \u00a0It wasn\u2019t until we met again in Puerto Rico that we\u2019d understood the reason he\u2019d helped us; the scientists had planned to take in Ralph\u2019s own children. \u00a0They\u2019d wanted to see if they could use civilians instead of children born and raised in labs. \u00a0The moment Ralph helped us the government saw him as an accomplice, a thief that needed to be disposed of.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat time\u2019s our flight?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSix in the morning,\u201d said Ralph, waving the plane ticket at me.<\/p>\n \u201cGo talk to Jaynus,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n Ralph heaved himself onto a stool and began talking with Jaynus in a low voice over the new identification we\u2019d ordered\u2014passports, driver\u2019s licenses, birth certificates, even a baptismal certificate for Jaynus.\u00a0 I followed Utah, who\u2019d made her way towards the backyard.\u00a0 Ralph\u2019s colorful shirts hung low on the clothes lines; floral dresses and ripped jeans stood between Utah and me. \u00a0A few droplets of rain fell onto the dry dirt. \u00a0Utah wiped the water from her face, although more drops settled on her like transparent freckles. \u00a0My instinct told me to kiss her, to feel her tongue between my teeth, the taste of her saliva mixed with rain. \u00a0But I stood still.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019d think a girl could trust her boyfriend. \u00a0I thought he\u2019d protect me. \u00a0Instead he turned me in for cash,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should forget him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not that easy.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf he left you, he isn\u2019t sitting around thinking about you. \u00a0You should forget him, like he did you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSimple reasoning. \u00a0Simple and stupid,\u201d she spit out.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy\u2014because I didn\u2019t forget about you? \u00a0I should\u2019ve. \u00a0You left, and you didn\u2019t stop to think about me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did think about you! \u00a0What I did at the train station, I did for your own good. You were getting sick. \u00a0You needed to be taken care of, and I couldn\u2019t do it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThere was no reason I had to go back. \u00a0There still isn\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re getting worse. \u00a0You know it. \u00a0You saw Eli getting sick. \u00a0You saw how he was suffering. \u00a0He should\u2019ve gone back. \u00a0He might\u2019ve lived.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t act like you know what happened to Eli. \u00a0Don\u2019t act like you care about us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI care about all of us. \u00a0And I remember when we were happy, how we used to laugh\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI guess they were running tests on me during the laughter portion of our imprisonment,\u201d I said bitterly.<\/p>\n She frowned.<\/p>\n \u201cRemember when you used to tell stories?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was delirious from all the drugs they fed us. \u00a0I had to think in fairy tales. \u00a0If I didn\u2019t, the hardness of the floor, the cold walls\u2026 all of it would\u2019ve killed me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut we were<\/em> happy. \u00a0You and me.\u201d<\/p>\n Utah held out her hand and I took it. \u00a0Her fingers were warm and slightly calloused. \u00a0There was a scar on her wrist from the barbed wire that had nipped her as we jumped over the fence.<\/p>\n There\u2019d been about six children already in the cell by the time I arrived. \u00a0Every night Utah slept with her hand over my chest. \u00a0Our sweat collected in a small pool and ran down my collarbone and my shoulder. \u00a0With Utah, sleep had been like a layering of heat. \u00a0Like slipping off the earth and falling into the sun. \u00a0No matter how hot it got, I wanted to stay with her. \u00a0Sleep had been easy at the facility; after a day of injections and experiments, sleep was encouraged. \u00a0It was after we escaped that sleep became the enemy.<\/p>\n \u201cI won\u2019t leave you again.\u201d \u00a0Utah smiled weakly before kissing me. Her hands moved from my face to my waist. \u00a0I pulled away slowly.<\/p>\n \u201cI thought you wanted me\u2026\u201c she continued, trying to hold on to me.<\/p>\n \u201cI do. \u00a0I\u2019m just anxious about escaping. \u00a0I can\u2019t be intimate if I don\u2019t feel safe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou will be, soon.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d I said as I turned away from her and went inside. <\/br> My eyes opened. \u00a0The room was dark apart from the security light seeping through the slits of the metal blinds. \u00a0Swallowing hard, I lifted my head off my sweaty arm and listened for noises. \u00a0Jaynus and Ralph were still talking in hoarse whispers; someone was walking around barefoot. \u00a0I sighed.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you awake?\u201d \u00a0Utah stood with the door open.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. \u00a0How much longer?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot long.\u201d \u00a0Utah sucked in her breath saying, \u201cI like when it grows dark and cold. \u00a0When the cold sets in, I crawl under the covers and fall into dreams that always begin right before they end.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI remember the other kids,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cThat one little boy who died soon after we got to the facility. \u00a0His dad came to see him, and he sneered at him, like he was mad that he hadn\u2019t been stronger. \u00a0When we asked him why he wasn\u2019t crying, the dad said something like, why grieve for a test-tube baby?\u201d<\/p>\n After a pause, I added: \u201cI don\u2019t dream, Utah. \u00a0I just remember.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t see the difference.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t,\u201d I said quietly. \u00a0\u201cI wish I were you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d \u00a0Utah placed her hand on my chest.<\/p>\n Pushing her away, I said, \u201cIt\u2019s as if you were never starved. \u00a0Bad stuff happened to us, Utah! \u00a0And when we thought we\u2019d be safe, we were hurt even more. \u00a0Even after we left the facility\u2026\u00a0 Look at us. \u00a0We\u2019re like rats avoiding the exterminator.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt wasn\u2019t that bad. \u00a0Some of us were getting stronger.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd those were the ones who stopped being human. \u00a0Don\u2019t you remember how their skin smelled? \u00a0As if it was burning. \u00a0And what did they do? \u00a0They sat in a corner eating uncooked rice \u2019til they died.\u201d<\/p>\n The drugs they\u2019d given us had been designed to make us stronger; after each treatment, our abilities were supposed to be enhanced. \u00a0Some of us became faster, or could see better in the dark. \u00a0Others rejected the drug every time, till their bodies slowly decayed. \u00a0Regardless of the results we watched all of them slowly burn from the inside, knowing we couldn\u2019t help them.<\/p>\n \u201cWe didn\u2019t have to look over our shoulders all the time.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy look over your shoulder when you know what\u2019s going to happen\u2014when you\u2019re only gonna get hurt?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe should go back and turn ourselves in,\u201d she insisted.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you insane? \u00a0Anyway, if you liked it so much, why did you even leave?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBecause all of you wanted to go, and I didn\u2019t want to be left behind.\u201d<\/p>\n I kicked the sheets aside and got up.<\/p>\n \u201cYou come here as if you missed me. \u00a0As if you and I can be something again,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re only here to save yourself. \u00a0I\u2019m not as stupid as I used to be.\u201d<\/p>\n I picked up my things and walked into the next room. \u00a0Ralph was sitting on his stool.<\/p>\n \u201cWant something to eat?\u201c he asked.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s an egg sandwich and milk on the counter.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere are you going?\u201d said Jaynus to me, though his eyes were on Utah.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. \u00a0Maybe Ponce. \u00a0I\u2019m not staying with her any more. \u00a0She\u2019s going to betray us,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cShe wants what\u2019s best for us, Mirah.\u201d<\/p>\n I pulled at his jaw, so our eyes met. \u00a0\u201cYou want to go back, too?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI think it would be best.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe owe them nothing! \u00a0Our escape was their mistake. \u00a0If we were so valuable, then they should have kept a better eye on us.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe world doesn\u2019t work like that. \u00a0God doesn\u2019t work through mistakes,\u201d Jaynus said, his voice not as steady as it had been.<\/p>\n \u201cWho said anything about God?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe we made the mistake when we left. \u00a0We were born to help our fellow human beings, but we got scared and ran from our calling. \u00a0And now we\u2019re being given a chance to redeem ourselves. \u00a0We could be like Job\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStop right there. \u00a0I don\u2019t need you to preach at me. \u00a0I\u2019d rather be in a drug stupor than hear about miracles.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYour body is shutting down. \u00a0We have to go back,\u201d Jaynus said as he grabbed my arm.<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n I pulled away.<\/p>\n \u201cSimple cuts and scrapes I get at the construction sites aren\u2019t healing. \u00a0They\u2019re festering. \u00a0I need\u2026 we need medication.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not why you want to go back,\u201d I said to him. \u00a0\u201cYou\u2019re a real idiot to think God\u2019s setting all of this up for your redemption! \u00a0No one is going to forgive you. \u00a0Utah\u2019s the one setting this up. \u00a0Setting us<\/em> up. \u00a0She just wants an audience for her ballet recitals.\u201d<\/p>\n When we were in the facility, she\u2019d bragged about being a ballet dancer. \u00a0She\u2019d twirl for hours around us, doing her stretches, believing if they\u2019d let her go she could be a real ballerina. \u00a0Her dirty shirt, so big it reached her ankles, would flap as she danced. \u00a0The guards laughed at her.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019ll be a family again,\u201c said Utah.\u00a0 \u201cThey said if we complete the program, we\u2019ll get to be a family again. \u00a0And we won\u2019t have to go to war until we\u2019re ready. \u00a0They promised if I helped them get everyone back, we\u2019d be safe, and we\u2019d never have to be afraid.\u201c<\/p>\n \u201cI should\u2019ve stayed with Eli.\u201d \u00a0I backed away from them.<\/p>\n \u201cEli\u2019s dead. \u00a0And we will be too, if we keep running. \u00a0We\u2019ve lied and cheated ever since we left the facility. \u00a0We belong to them!\u201d Jaynus shouted.<\/p>\n I ran out the door. \u00a0The sidewalks were vacant. \u00a0A white van pulled up at the door; I felt Utah\u2019s hands around my shoulders. \u00a0As I tried to jerk away, Jaynus gripped my arm. \u00a0No tears, no fists. \u00a0I tried to suck in breath after breath, but my body wouldn\u2019t react. \u00a0I felt like a pencil being rolled between two hands quickly, without thought or reason.<\/p>\n \u201cFor a moment I thought you were from the facility,\u201d I said to the driver, my voice shaky, pulling away from Jaynus. \u00a0His grasp on me had gone limp as soon as he saw Eli get out of the van.<\/p>\n \u201cYou said he was dead.\u201d \u00a0Utah moved towards Jaynus.<\/p>\n \u201cI lied.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t understand what\u2019s going on,\u201d Jaynus said.<\/p>\n \u201cYour plans aren\u2019t working the way you wanted?\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cAs soon as you told me Utah was coming, I knew what the two of you were planning. \u00a0So I called Eli.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut you said he was dead,\u201d Utah whispered again.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s like a broken record,\u201d Eli said, a cigarette between his lips.<\/p>\n \u201cWe knew you were selling us out. \u00a0Eli\u2019s been in hiding.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s time to go, Mirah,\u201d Eli called out as he and Ralph got into the van.<\/p>\n \u201cWe were supposed to be a family now\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019d thought at the train station.\u201d \u00a0I kissed Utah on the mouth and went to do the same to Jaynus, but he jerked away from me.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re doing the same thing to me Utah did to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m not. \u00a0You want to go back. \u00a0I don\u2019t. \u00a0I\u2019m doing what\u2019s best for all of us,\u201d I said before getting into the van.<\/p>\n Through the rearview mirror, I saw them holding hands. \u00a0I didn\u2019t want to imagine what they\u2019d look like at the facility, so I looked at them until their tightly gripped hands and their blank faces were visible even after we turned the corner. \u00a0I looked ahead at the winding roads that would turn into the tarmacs of the airport, wondering how long before the end. by Jenny Ortiz 1. My hand moved to my nose to catch the blood before it fell on my grease-stained uniform.\u00a0 Ducking into the bathroom before a customer called me over, I examined my nose in the mirror, but couldn\u2019t … Continue reading
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\nThe bus ride to the capitol moved into a smooth soft lull, pulling Jaynus into a light sleep; his headphones slipped off his ears. \u00a0Utah and I remained awake.<\/p>\n
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\nThe streets were filled with cars the color of rust and dirty silver. \u00a0Belanova was playing somewhere from one of the boutiques. \u00a0We passed hot dog venders; the smell of melted cheese and ground beef made my mouth water. \u00a0Tourists in white linen pants stepped past small children pulling at dirty fur-matted dogs on rope leashes. \u00a0Utah\u2019s husky voice was lighter now.\u00a0 She pointed at clothing stores and absentmindedly sang songs.<\/p>\n
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\nWhile the rest packed and planned the next steps of our escape, I slept.\u00a0 My thoughts drifted, images passing as if in a movie:\u00a0 Jaynus sitting in the pink-cushioned booth at the diner, sweat ringing the collar of his shirt. \u00a0Eli chewing a piece of moldy bread. \u00a0The sound of Utah\u2019s bare feet on the floor, her limbs cutting the air around her like the hands of a samurai.<\/p>\n
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\nJENNY ORTIZ<\/strong> is a writer living and teaching in New York. When she was a little girl, Jenny wanted to be a gun-slinging drifter, much like a Clint Eastwood character. She ended up (happily) graduating from Adelphi University with an MFA in Creative Writing and is currently working at St. John\u2019s University and LaGuardia Community College. When she is not teaching or writing, Jenny can be found hanging out in IHOP with her friends, discussing music, video games, or Avatar: Last Airbender. When at home, she enjoys reading Haruki Murakami or listening to podcasts from the New Yorker. Follow her on Twitter: twitter.com\/jnylynn<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"