by Tarl Roger Kudrick
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<\/br>
\nThe sheep problem began with graffiti on a men\u2019s room wall.\u00a0 \u201cMuncie Harwitz loves sheep,\u201d it said, right where Gary was pretty much forced to stare while using the urinal.\u00a0 At the time, Gary was just glad the graffiti provided no further details or helpful diagrams.\u00a0 He flushed, washed, thanked the owner of the sports bar for use of the bathroom, got back in his delivery truck, and didn\u2019t waste one more brain cell thinking about Muncie Harwitz.<\/p>\n
He did notice, though, that the clouds that April day were unusually white and fluffy.<\/p>\n
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\nSomehow or another, Gary had reached adulthood without achieving his childhood goal of becoming Batman.\u00a0 That bothered him more on some days than others.\u00a0 Today was one of the \u201cmore\u201d days.\u00a0 His old Ford had broken down again and payday was next week, so he was taking the bus to the job he was too embarrassed to talk about with his friends who had remained in, or were still in, or who would probably end up teaching in, college.<\/p>\n
While waiting for the bus, he tried not to stare at the very wrong sky.\u00a0 The only other person around was a tall Hispanic woman at least twice his age who smelled like the back of his delivery truck after a Volvo had rear-ended him and shattered a case of Jack Daniels.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t seem like the best person to convince him he was still sane, but it was her or nobody.<\/p>\n
\u201cExcuse me,\u201d Gary said.\u00a0 \u201cYou notice anything weird about those clouds?\u201d<\/p>\n
She looked up.<\/p>\n
\u201cNope.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDon\u2019t they look an awful lot like sheep?\u00a0 I mean, like, realistic sheep?\u201d<\/p>\n
If anything, he was understating his case.\u00a0 The clouds had legs, tails, snouts, and big happy smiles.\u00a0 He counted eight of them floating like balloons in a Thanksgiving Day parade.<\/p>\n
\u201cLooks normal,\u201d the woman said.<\/p>\n
That was the one response Gary hadn\u2019t expected.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not normal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCourse it is!\u201d\u00a0 She giggled.\u00a0 \u201cYou ever been to the ocean?\u201d<\/p>\n
He\u2019d grown up in California.\u00a0 \u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
She leaned to him and whispered, \u201cI hear it\u2019s wet<\/em> nowadays.\u201d\u00a0 Then she laughed so hard, she leaned against the bus stop for support.<\/p>\n Gary didn\u2019t ask anyone else on the bus about the sheep-shaped clouds, but he mentioned it to a couple of co-workers, and after they thought he was joking — like how could he possibly<\/em> not have noticed clouds look like sheep before — he stopped talking about it.\u00a0 It felt like too much like school.\u00a0 He continued, however, to look up at the sky once in a while.\u00a0 The sheep kept looking back down.<\/p>\n <\/br> \u201cHey, good driver.\u201d\u00a0 She called him that.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t call the others that.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019ve got a new client.\u00a0 Make sure you deliver this one before noon.\u201d<\/p>\n More clients meant more money, so this was a reward.\u00a0 He read the sheet — some new bar and grill on Ovis Street.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t recognize the address and their trucks didn\u2019t have GPS.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s Ovis street?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbout six miles south, as the sheep flies.\u201d<\/p>\n Gary put the paper down.\u00a0 \u201cAs the what<\/em> flies?\u201d<\/p>\n But Carol was already rushing towards a ringing phone in her office.\u00a0 It was almost certainly the district manager, who called at eight a.m. every day, and Gary wasn\u2019t stupid enough to interrupt that conversation.<\/p>\n Gary turned on his smartphone\u2019s maps program.\u00a0 Ovis Street was right where, just last week, Adams Street had been.\u00a0 Major streets in downtown Phoenix were named after early US presidents: Jefferson, Washington, and…Ovis?\u00a0 On a hunch, he looked up \u201covis\u201d in an online dictionary.\u00a0 \u201cOvis\u201d was part of the scientific classification for sheep.<\/p>\n He still didn\u2019t think about the bathroom graffiti.<\/p>\n <\/br> Gary went home to clear his head.\u00a0 He found the lamp on his living room table was now a ceramic sheep sitting cross-legged, staring at the ceiling, with a light bulb in its mouth.<\/p>\n Four objects stood between Gary and the bathroom: his sofa, a bookshelf, a doorless archway, and the bathroom door.\u00a0 He banged into all of them on his way to a sink where he could splash cold water on his face.<\/p>\n After drying off, he noticed his t-shirt no longer said \u201cBudweiser.\u201d\u00a0 Now it had a picture of a grinning sheep standing on its hind legs with a beer in one hoof while the other front hoof formed a remarkably good thumbs-up sign.\u00a0 Text underneath said, \u201cThis Bud\u2019s for Ewe.\u201d<\/p>\n If Gary had learned anything in college, he\u2019d learned he wasn\u2019t the smartest person in the world.\u00a0 But he knew mixed-up crazy when he saw it, and this was it.<\/p>\n His head pounding, he grabbed a basket of dirty clothes and rode the elevator down to the laundry room.\u00a0 He shoved his clothes and some detergent into a dryer, shut the door, put the money in, turned the dryer on, went back to the elevator, stopped, and asked himself what the hell he had just done.\u00a0 Then he ran back to the laundry, found it was too late to retrieve his money from the dryer, yanked his clothes out of it anyway, found a washing machine, and started over.<\/p>\n Through all of this, a little girl in the laundry room sang off-key: \u201cMary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb.\u00a0 Mary had a little –\u201c<\/p>\n Gary couldn\u2019t take one more wrong note.<\/p>\n \u201cNo she didn\u2019t!\u201d he shouted.\u00a0 \u201cShe had a dog!\u201d<\/p>\n The girl cried and ran off.\u00a0 Gary rubbed his temples.\u00a0 He felt like his brain was a driver\u2019s seat and the little girl had been kicking it for five hundred miles.\u00a0 He went back to the elevator, leaned against its door, and fell in when it slid open.<\/p>\n He slept poorly that night, but never even considered counting sheep.<\/p>\n <\/br> MTV was showing children singing \u201c…and on this farm he had some sheep, E-I-E-I-O!\u00a0 With a Bah! Bah! here…\u201d<\/p>\n Cartoon Network was running a \u201cSheep in the Big City\u201d marathon.<\/p>\n On ESPN, the commissioner of the National Football League was declaring that all NFL teams would now be called the Rams.<\/p>\n Gary called in sick and dug out his copy of the Yellow Pages.\u00a0 The \u201cS\u201d section was much thicker than he remembered.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t dare look at it.\u00a0 He dialed emergency mental health care centers until he got an appointment with a counselor for that afternoon.<\/p>\n Now the TV was showing highlights from last night\u2019s baseball game between the Texas Ruminants and the Chicago Wool Sox.\u00a0 He turned it off and looked outside.<\/p>\n In the space where he\u2019d parked his old Ford last night, an even older, different car now sat.\u00a0 He went out and took a good, long look.\u00a0 It was a mid-1980\u2019s Dodge Aries.\u00a0 His car keys fit it perfectly, and its motor wasn\u2019t making any funny grinding noises.\u00a0 It was, in fact, in perfect condition.<\/p>\n Gary began counting the minutes until his mental health appointment.<\/p>\n <\/br> Gary sat down and wondered how to begin.<\/p>\n \u201cLately,\u201d he said, \u201ceverything seems to be about sheep.\u201d<\/p>\n He rattled off examples, including the \u201csheep-pedestrian accident\u201d the radio had announced as he\u2019d driven to her office.\u00a0 He was about to mention the swimsuit issue of \u201cSheep Illustrated\u201d someone had been reading in the waiting room when the counselor\u2019s phone bleated.<\/p>\n Dr. Ammon said, \u201cPlease<\/em> excuse me.\u201d<\/p>\n She picked it the phone and said, \u201cHello?\u00a0 I\u2019m with someone right now…\u00a0 Yes, I\u2019ll see you tonight.\u00a0 Goodbaa.\u201d<\/p>\n Gary rocked back and forth in his chair.\u00a0 \u201cDr. Ammon?\u00a0 That phone?\u00a0 The sound it made?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDidn\u2019t it sound… like…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd the way you said goodbye!\u201d<\/p>\n She leaned forward.\u00a0 \u201cGood what?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n Gary twitched.<\/p>\n \u201cGary, are you telling me you don\u2019t like<\/em> sheep?\u201d<\/p>\n Her stare seemed more threatening than an onrushing bus.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t stand it, and stood up.<\/p>\n \u201cUm, I\u2019ve got to go to work.\u00a0 Sorry…\u201d<\/p>\n She didn\u2019t try to stop him.\u00a0 Instead she picked up her phone and punched a red button.\u00a0 As he left he heard her say, \u201cI need to report an emergency…\u201d<\/p>\n Gary ran out of her office, dashed down two flights of stairs and through the glass doors, and then… then he couldn\u2019t find his car.\u00a0 He was so used to his Ford Escort, he passed the Dodge Aries twice before remembering.\u00a0 By then, white cars with darkened windows had screeched into the parking lot, and men in white wool suits and white sunglasses were climbing out of them.<\/p>\n Gary smiled and put his hands on his head.<\/p>\n \u201cNow officers, I\u2019m not going to cause any trouble.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sure aren\u2019t,\u201d one of them said.\u00a0 They pulled out spray cans and blasted a white fluffy fog into his face.<\/p>\n <\/br> The audience, which was mostly about a hundred men in white suits and ties, applauded.\u00a0 The only other people around — a husband and wife with two little kids, and an elderly gentleman holding a sign Gary couldn\u2019t read — did not applaud.\u00a0 The white-suited man kneeling next to Gary clapped politely.\u00a0 He had a generic, office-supply-store nametag on his suit jacket.\u00a0 It said \u201cStanley,\u201d and that name was handwritten in black marker.\u00a0 The handwriting looked familiar.<\/p>\n The man on stage continued.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll admit, not all of my ideas have worked out.\u00a0 Especially my patented health plan, \u2018Cure Your Peanut Allergy by Eating Lots of Peanuts.\u2019\u00a0 Oh, the lawsuits!\u00a0 But now peace and happiness will be ours.\u00a0 The sheepification of the universe is nearly complete!\u201d<\/p>\n Batman would have known what to do.\u00a0 Gary didn\u2019t.\u00a0 He leaned towards Stanley and said, \u201cWho is that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDr. Harwitz,\u201d Stanley whispered.<\/p>\n Gary remembered the bathroom graffiti and understood why he thought he\u2019d seen Stanley\u2019s handwriting before.<\/p>\n \u201cMuncie Harwitz?\u00a0 The guy you write about on walls?\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley smiled.\u00a0 \u201cYup!\u00a0 The graffiti was his idea.\u00a0 He said traditional advertising doesn\u2019t work in a world where children wear shoes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s insane.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNormal people like us can\u2019t expect to understand a genius.\u201d<\/p>\n On stage, Harwitz kept yelling.<\/p>\n \u201cTonight, my brilliant mastery of science, combined with the natural alignment of every star in the universe…\u201d\u00a0 Harwitz licked his thumb, held it up against the sky, and squinted.\u00a0 \u201cYes, every<\/em> star, will solve all problems forever!\u201d<\/p>\n The wife of the four-person family called out, \u201cWhere\u2019s the food?\u201d<\/p>\n Harwitz looked at the audience.\u00a0 \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n The woman shouted, \u201cThe guy said there\u2019d be a buffet!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWait a minute.\u201d \u00a0Harwitz\u2019s head snapped back and forth as he surveyed the crowd.\u00a0 \u201cWhere is everybody?\u00a0 This is my crowning achievement!\u00a0 Where are my adoring fans?\u00a0 It\u2019s just you guys!\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley stood up, cupped his hands, and shouted, \u201cWe couldn\u2019t sell any tickets!\u201d<\/p>\n Other men in white suits were saying similar things.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t believe this,\u201d Harwitz said, marching back and forth on stage.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s no buffet?\u201d the woman asked.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, there\u2019s no buffet!\u201d<\/p>\n The elderly gentleman with the sign shouted, \u201cPigs!\u201d<\/p>\n The woman said, \u201cWell, we\u2019re hungry!\u00a0 The guy said there\u2019d be food!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI, Dr. Muncival Harwitz, the greatest intellect in human history, have finally solved all problems everywhere by aligning the universe with sheep, and you want food?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPigs!\u201d the elderly man shouted, louder.\u00a0 He waved his sign.<\/p>\n Gary writhed against the sheepshank knots keeping him in the chair.<\/p>\n The woman shouted, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u00a0 What aligning?\u201d<\/p>\n Harwitz screamed into the mic, \u201cHaven\u2019t you noticed how everything in the world relates to sheep now?\u00a0 Look at the moon!\u201d<\/p>\n Gary looked up.\u00a0 The moon was round, white, and fuzzy.\u00a0 Right in front of his eyes, it was growing legs and a snout.<\/p>\n The woman\u2019s husband shouted at Harwitz, \u201cIt\u2019s always been like that!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo it hasn\u2019t!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes it has!\u00a0 You think we\u2019re stupid?\u201d<\/p>\n Harwitz stamped his feet.\u00a0 \u201cI did that!\u00a0 Me!\u201d<\/p>\n The woman laughed.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m pretty sure the moon was there before you!\u201d<\/p>\n The elderly man wailed, \u201cPIIIIIIGGGS!\u201d<\/p>\n Harwitz yelled, \u201cWill you shut up about pigs?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to know where the pigs went!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou can\u2019t have pigs in a sheepified universe.\u00a0 The math proves it.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut pigs are beautiful creatures!\u00a0 They\u2019re smarter than dogs!\u201d<\/p>\n The woman, flustered, said, \u201cWhat are pigs?\u00a0 What are dogs?\u00a0 Are you even speaking Sheepish?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want pigs!\u201d<\/p>\n Harwitz shouted, \u201cSilence that man!\u201d<\/p>\n A dozen or so of the white-suited men came for the elderly gentleman, who ran in circles, fighting them off with his big sign that Gary could now see said, \u201cPigs are people too.\u201d\u00a0 The men in suits seemed a lot less tough to Gary than they\u2019d been when they\u2019d surrounded him in the parking lot.\u00a0 They ran off when the man bashed them with his sign.<\/p>\n Gary wasn\u2019t sure why he wasn\u2019t hypnotized like almost everyone else.\u00a0 Maybe he wasn\u2019t smart enough to be hypnotized?\u00a0 He thought of an idea.<\/p>\n \u201cStanley!\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley was still at his side.\u00a0 \u201cYes?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo you know how much danger we\u2019re in?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, no, Dr. Harwitz thought of everything!\u00a0 All of our problems will be solved any minute now.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut haven\u2019t you heard?\u00a0 There\u2019s something wrong with the sheep.\u00a0 Don\u2019t you think we should tell Dr. Harwitz?\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley stared at Gary as if he were the only person on Earth.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s busy!\u00a0 Tell me.\u00a0 Tell me<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0 Stanley grabbed him by the shoulders.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve got to save the sheep!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOkay!\u00a0 Look.\u00a0 I\u2019m not what I seem.\u201d\u00a0 Gary took a moment to think.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m an undercover operative.\u00a0 For the NSA.\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley blinked.\u00a0 \u201cYou<\/em> work for the National Sheep Agency?\u201d<\/p>\n Gary was so glad he\u2019d chosen an organization with an S in its acronym.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah.\u00a0 See, uh…\u201d<\/p>\n He had to keep it sheep-related.\u00a0 Anthrax?\u00a0 That came from sheep, but it hurt people.\u00a0 Did it also hurt sheep?\u00a0 Stanley was shaking him again, begging him to say something.\u00a0 All he could come up with was, \u201cIt\u2019s Dolly!\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley let go. \u201cYou mean the first cloned sheep?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe died years ago!\u201d<\/p>\n Gary had forgotten that.\u00a0 \u201cUh, no.\u00a0 No, that\u2019s what we wanted you to think.\u00a0 She\u2019s alive, see, and she\u2019s gone rogue.\u201d\u00a0 The idea in him kept building.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t really think science has advanced to the point of cloning, do you?\u00a0 It\u2019s all part of the invasion!\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley\u2019s wide eyes were bigger than the moon.\u00a0 \u201cInvasion?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes!\u00a0 Everything in the universe is becoming sheep, right?\u00a0 Even aliens!\u00a0 But these<\/em> aliens were already<\/em> sheep!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlready…?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re using the sheepification plan to hide their invasion!\u00a0 Dolly was created by their alien science and…\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley\u2019s voice went up two octaves.\u00a0 \u201cAlien-sheep hybrids!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes!\u00a0 And… and they\u2019re robots, too!\u00a0 They\u2019re going to replace all sheep on Earth!\u00a0 And then…\u201d<\/p>\n Gary hoped Stanley could think of something, because that was all he had.<\/p>\n Stanley was quivering like a struck tuning fork.\u00a0 \u201cBut… Dr. Harwitz was so careful…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m telling you, it\u2019s an alien invasion!\u00a0 Why else do you think I dropped out of college?\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley just stared and stared.\u00a0 Then he said, \u201cIt makes perfect sense.\u201d<\/p>\n Gary almost said, \u201cIt does?\u201d<\/p>\n Stanley untied him.\u00a0 \u201cC\u2019mon!\u201d<\/p>\n They raced to the stage, as Harwitz screamed insults at the men in white suits who were now scared to go anywhere near the elderly pig man.\u00a0 The pig man shouted, \u201cOink! Oink!\u201d and whirled his sign around.\u00a0 The family of four was heading back to their car, which was parked next to a row of white limousines.<\/p>\n Gary leaped onto the low stage.\u00a0 At the back of the stage, a beagle-sized glass statue of a sheep glowed like a light bulb.\u00a0 Wires connected the glass sheep to one of the generators.\u00a0 The sheep was pulsing like a heart, giving off even brighter light with every beat.<\/p>\n Harwitz said, \u201cDon\u2019t touch that!\u201d and raced towards Gary.<\/p>\n Gary hurled the glass sheep at the nearest generator.\u00a0 It cracked like an egg.\u00a0 He felt his mind tingle a bit, but everyone else, especially Harwitz, flew back like the stage had just exploded.<\/p>\n Gary ran to Harwitz and listened to the man\u2019s ragged breaths.\u00a0 Harwitz was okay.\u00a0 He leaped off the stage and checked out a few others, especially the family of four.\u00a0 They were all unconscious but alive.\u00a0 The only person still standing was the pig man.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat a bunch of hooey,\u201d the pig man said.\u00a0 \u201cNow they\u2019ve all fainted.\u201d<\/p>\n Gary looked at the moon.\u00a0 It was round, legless, and snoutless.<\/p>\n Gary asked the pig man, \u201cDo you have any idea where we are?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cJust north of Yuma, maybe twenty miles or so.\u00a0 I\u2019m goin\u2019 home.\u201d The pig man pointed at a Harley Davidson \u201chog.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cYou need a ride?\u201d<\/p>\n They were probably a hundred fifty miles from Phoenix.\u00a0 Gary\u2019d never ridden on the back of a motorcycle for a hundred fifty miles before, but he was willing to try.<\/p>\n <\/br> His boss told him he seemed more at ease with himself.<\/p>\n \u201cDid you do something good?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d Gary said.\u00a0 \u201cI think I did.\u201d Gary skimmed entries until he found one dated three weeks ago that said, \u201cOf course!\u00a0 The answer is sheep.\u201d<\/p>\n That was the second most recent entry.\u00a0 The most recent had been published just four hours ago.\u00a0 It said, \u201cMy previous attempt at saving the world contained a critical error.\u00a0 The true answer is walruses.\u00a0 Giant, cybernetic walruses.\u201d<\/p>\n Gary read that entry a second time.\u00a0 Then a third.\u00a0 As he read, his sense of dread surrendered to an almost pleasant anticipation.<\/p>\n He looked out his bedroom window, at the world that so desperately needed him.\u00a0 He had to wonder if he felt the way Batman did on those evenings when the bat-signal lit up an otherwise dark and empty sky.<\/p>\n Yes.\u00a0 Yes, he did. by Tarl Roger Kudrick The sheep problem began with graffiti on a men\u2019s room wall.\u00a0 \u201cMuncie Harwitz loves sheep,\u201d it said, right where Gary was pretty much forced to stare while using the urinal.\u00a0 At the time, Gary was just … Continue reading
\nGary was loading crates into his truck and trying not to think about sheep when his sales manager, Carol, handed him a printout.<\/p>\n
\nGary completed his wine and beer deliveries, including to his new client, the Shropshire Bar and Grill.\u00a0 Before going home, he went back to Carol\u2019s office, but it was locked.\u00a0 A poster on her door showed a sheep wearing a black leather jacket and Terminator-style sunglasses.\u00a0 The poster said, \u201cI\u2019ll be baa-aa-aack… tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nGary woke the next morning feeling worse than Michelangelo might have if, after finishing the Statue of David, someone had said, \u201cYou know we wanted him to be wearing clothes, right?\u201d\u00a0 He tried to find solace in the shallowness of early morning cable TV.<\/p>\n
\nThe counselor was a tall, prim woman who reminded him of an old-fashioned schoolmarm, not a sheep.\u00a0 Her name was Dr. Ammon.<\/p>\n
\nGary woke up tied to a chair.\u00a0 He was outside, at night, in the middle of the desert.\u00a0 Two huge generators chugged along, providing power to a row of theater lights at the top of a makeshift stage that seemed to be hundreds of wooden crates placed together.\u00a0 A heavy-set man with white curly hair, wearing a white curly fur coat, was on stage, bellowing into a microphone.\u00a0 Stacks of speakers large enough for a Metallica concert blasted out his voice: \u201cEven in kindergarten, they called me mad!\u00a0 Of course that was my name back then, so I changed it!\u201d<\/p>\n
\nIt took Gary a few days to convince himself everything was normal.\u00a0 But it was.\u00a0 His car was a Ford again, and still parked by the row of little offices where Dr. Ammon had been.\u00a0 Except now, the sign on her door said Dr. Westerly.\u00a0 Gary\u2019s delivery route took him to the same addresses it always had, plus his new one, now called \u201cIrish Tom\u2019s.\u201d\u00a0 The world was no more sheepy than usual.\u00a0 And none of his co-workers seemed to remember anything about it.<\/p>\n
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\nWhen he felt the threat was truly over, Gary searched the Web for \u201cMuncival Harwitz\u201d and found the man\u2019s blog.\u00a0 He read it from the beginning.\u00a0 Entry after entry ranted about the magnetic resonance of the Earth, human brainwaves, quantum probabilities, molasses, and the world\u2019s largest paper clip collection.\u00a0 One entry was an extended argument with some other blogger about which classical composer — Beethoven, Brahms, or Bach — could belch the loudest.<\/p>\n
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\nTARL ROGER KUDRICK<\/strong>‘s short fiction has been published in Chizine, Anotherealm, the Town Drunk, and others. Since 2006 he has been the chief editor and co-publisher of the web fiction magazine “On The Premises” (www.OnThePremises.com<\/a>).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"