by Brian Long
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\nJoe was enjoying his day off from work \u2013 which, thanks to unemployment, was every day. \u00a0Cracking open a beer, he plopped onto his lumpy, pea green couch which made him feel warm like a lover\u2019s embrace. \u00a0He stared at his broken television, which he had temporarily repaired by pasting a picture of a red-headed centerfold model over the screen. \u00a0The theme for that issue was \u201cWorking Women\u201d and the model was a veterinarian with an impractically short skirt who was giving a shot to an injured tortoise. \u00a0Just as Joe was getting comfortable, a flash of light suddenly filled the room. \u00a0When the flash faded, a young boy, who looked to be about fifteen years old, was standing in the middle of a circular burn on the carpet. \u00a0He wore an all white jumpsuit and a pair of oversized green goggles. \u00a0The boy lifted the goggles above his head. \u00a0The boy had the same untamable curly hair and brown eyes that Joe had.<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you Joseph Peoples?\u201d the boy asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cY-yes,\u201d Joe replied, \u201cwho are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you sure?\u201d the boy asked with a disappointed tone.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, who are you?\u201d<\/p>\n
The boy took a look around the room; he observed the discoloration of the carpet caused by Joe\u2019s carelessness while eating. \u00a0The stains were a visual timeline of everything Joe had eaten since he first purchased the rug. \u00a0From the two large sausage and veal pizzas to the spilled box of wine that left a stain which slightly resembled the Dali Lama.<\/p>\n
\u201cThat one totally looks like the Dali Lama right?\u201d Joe asked the young man.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, this sucks!\u201d<\/p>\n
The boy threw the goggles onto the ground and kicked them towards the couch.\u00a0 Joe picked up the goggles which had landed next to him and read the label on the strap.<\/p>\n
\u201cToronto Time Travel Institute?\u201d he said.<\/p>\n
The boy snatched the goggles away from him.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, you Neanderthal, time travel,\u201d he said, placing the goggles back onto his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m supposed to be doing a report on our family history and THIS is what I find. \u00a0I\u2019m going to get an \u2018F.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou could probably get at least a \u2018C\u2019\u2026\u201d Joe replied, slightly hurt by this temporally misplaced adolescent.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, no, I couldn\u2019t, you\u2019re a slob,\u201d the boy said.<\/p>\n
\u201cHey\u2026\u00a0 It\u2019s my day off,\u201d Joe said.<\/p>\n
\u201cReally,\u201d the boy said, \u201cand what exactly do you do for a living?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI sell hubcaps.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do you get the hubcaps?\u201d<\/p>\n
Joe looked down at his gut as it rose and fell with each breath.<\/p>\n
\u201cI steal them\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s what I thought,\u201d said the boy as he pressed a few buttons on his oversized watch.<\/p>\n
\u201cWait, are you leaving?\u201dJoe asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYes, why?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI dunno, I thought you would tell me some stuff about the future.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m legally not supposed to, but you know what? \u00a0You seem to be such a brainless dolt I don\u2019t think telling you anything about events to come would damage the time-stream at all. \u00a0There are flying skateboards in my future and they are all reasonably priced!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh man,\u201d Joe said, \u201cthat\u2019s awesome!\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd if my calculations are correct, you die the day before they are released to the public,\u201d the boy said.\u00a0 He finished typing on the keyboard and the room began to fill with the white light again.\u00a0 \u00a0\u201cGod, I really hope my great grandparents are more interesting; although since they were spawned by YOU, I\u2019m not going to hold my breath.\u201d<\/p>\n
The boy disappeared in another blinding flash. \u00a0Joe began to take stock of his life. \u00a0He looked around his ruined apartment. \u00a0He had no job, no girlfriend, and no mature adult relationships with anyone. \u00a0And then it hit him. \u00a0Judging from what that kid said \u2013 and after he had looked up the definition of the word \u201cspawning,\u201d just to make sure he understood him correctly \u2013 Joe knew, sooner or later, he was totally going to get laid. by Brian Long Joe was enjoying his day off from work \u2013 which, thanks to unemployment, was every day. \u00a0Cracking open a beer, he plopped onto his lumpy, pea green couch which made him feel warm like a lover\u2019s embrace. … Continue reading
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\nBRIAN LONG<\/strong> is an amateur wordologist. His works can be found at The New Flesh and The Broadset Writing Collective.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"