by Cate Gardner
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\nCharlie McKendrick scribbled a rule down in Sid\u2019s notebook: No. 142: Never believe anything a stranger tells you in a pub, especially if he is wearing an eye patch.\u00a0 If the pirate who called himself Captain Crow had made his fortune capturing mermaids, Charlie would eat Sid\u2019s fake parrot for supper.<\/p>\n
Charlie climbed aboard the rotting timbers of The Hunted Tail<\/em>.\u00a0 He suspected Crow had stolen the vessel from a wrecker\u2019s yard, the evidence for the prosecution provided by the teeth marks of a crushing machine embedded in its side and a “Condemned” sticker flapping from its flagpole.\u00a0 Charlie wanted to return to the Wayward Inn and plant his fist between Captain Crow\u2019s eyes.\u00a0 Only Sid\u2019s enthusiasm stopped him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt could do with a lick of paint,\u201d Sid said.\u00a0 \u201cAnd I\u2019d like to rename her.\u00a0 Any suggestions, old chum?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMiddleton\u2019s Folly.\u201d<\/p>\n Sid brushed his fringe out of his eyes, saying, \u201cThis time we make our fortune, Charlie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps we do, Sid.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/br> The world swayed, knocking Charlie from one side of the tiny cabin to the other.\u00a0 They had put down anchor off the coast of some mean looking cliffs.\u00a0 According to the illustration on the map, in these waters they would find a mermaid.<\/p>\n Some hope<\/em>.<\/p>\n Charlie sighed.\u00a0 He and Sid were lousy pirates; they didn’t even have the trademark bottle of rum.<\/p>\n Charlie looked out of the porthole window.\u00a0 Ink black rocks jutted out of the sea like teeth, in front of dark caves that resembled eyes, and gold grass that cascaded down the side of the cliffs.\u00a0 As the boat lurched to the right, his head hit the rough wall and inspiration struck:<\/p>\n The island was the mermaid, and she was butt ugly.<\/p>\n Sid was on deck tying knots in the fishing net to repair the larger holes, whistling with excitement because he\u2019d discovered long blonde hairs and fingernails embedded in the rope.<\/p>\n As Charlie stumbled out into the sunlight, Sid\u2019s reaction to his revelation was, \u201cThen where\u2019s her tail?\u201d<\/p>\n Sid had a point, which was unusual.\u00a0 Determined to find a fishtail curve of rocks, Charlie clung to the side of the boat, peering across the glittering sea.\u00a0 Spray washed his face.<\/p>\n \u201cPerhaps if we steer the boat around the island, we\u2019ll find it,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cCharlie, sometimes you have to believe in the impossible and stop looking for a rational explanation.\u00a0 Now, do you know how to work a harpoon?\u201d<\/p>\n The waves objected to Sid and Charlie’s island-bound route, knocking them from one side of the boat to the other.\u00a0 Feeling like a human pinball, Charlie grasped at the flagpole, his feet sliding against the wet boards.\u00a0 The sea urged them back.\u00a0 Foolhardy, they continued forward.<\/p>\n Rising above the sound of the crashing waves and the creaking of their fragile vessel a lullaby drifted close by, circling the boat.\u00a0 Sid jabbed his elbow in Charlie\u2019s side, his wide-eyed expression and open mouth screaming I told you so.<\/p>\n Sid bundled the net up in his arms and threw it over the side.\u00a0 Sliding to his left, then to his right, he shouted, \u201cIt might be a good time to say I can\u2019t swim.\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie let go of the flagpole.\u00a0 He hadn\u2019t been in the water since the 1984 Swimathon at Warren High, and even then, he\u2019d finished last.<\/p>\n In the cabin, he found the lifejackets ripped and spattered with blood.<\/p>\n \u201cDid Captain Crow tell you what happened to his crew?\u201d Charlie asked, swallowing spray.<\/p>\n \u201cSomething about a vendetta.\u00a0 I think that\u2019s why he was selling both his boat and his luck.\u00a0 Two for the price of one, he said.\u00a0 He told me that\u2019s why he named the boat The Hunted Tail, though as far as I could tell he didn\u2019t have one.\u201d<\/p>\n Sid stole a lifejacket from Charlie\u2019s fingers, placed it over his head and affixed it to his waist.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t seem to note that it was useless.<\/p>\n The mermaid\u2019s song drew closer.\u00a0 They stepped out onto the deck.\u00a0 Something was tugging at the net.<\/p>\n Both men rushed to haul it back up onto the boat, their puny muscles straining with the weight of their catch.\u00a0 It felt full to the brim with fish.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t.\u00a0 With their backs flat to the deck and their boots pressed against the side of the boat for leverage, they offered it all their strength and gave a coordinated pull.\u00a0 An empty net slapped down on top of them.<\/p>\n Sid broke first.\u00a0 Charlie swallowed a mouthful of net and hiccupped seawater.\u00a0 They lay there, unable to catch their breath, laughing until pain tore through their sides.\u00a0 Their snorts were so loud they didn\u2019t notice the closeness of the mermaid\u2019s song.<\/p>\n Something heavy fell beside Charlie.\u00a0 It killed his humour, and he realised the net wasn\u2019t empty because they hadn\u2019t caught anything; it was empty because whatever they had captured had slithered out.<\/p>\n Charlie struggled against the weight of the net.\u00a0 A mermaid pressed her tail down on it.\u00a0 She ceased her song.\u00a0 With her head tipped to the left, she considered them.\u00a0 Reaching out, she scratched her finger down Charlie\u2019s jawbone and released a strange high-pitched noise that sounded almost like, “Hello.” \u00a0Her laugh required no translation.\u00a0 It was cruel and derisive and set Sid wailing.<\/p>\n The mermaid dug her fingernails into Charlie\u2019s scalp, grabbing a fistful of hair before dragging him towards the edge of the boat.\u00a0 Sid grabbed hold of his ankles, but proved no match for the mermaid\u2019s strength.\u00a0 As she pulled Charlie overboard, his final glimpse was of Sid holding his empty shoes.\u00a0 Seawater soaked his socks.<\/p>\n The sea was colder than he had expected.\u00a0 Keeping a tight grip on his scalp, the mermaid dragged him further and further away from Sid and the boat.\u00a0 His clothes ballooned.\u00a0 The roar of the sea drowned out her song, and for that, he was thankful.<\/p>\n In the journey towards the island, for that had to be her destination, his head dipped under the water several times.\u00a0 He almost wished to drown.\u00a0 His only hope, he figured, was that once they were on dry land and he caught his breath, he\u2019d gain the upper hand.<\/p>\n He was wrong.<\/p>\n The mermaid didn\u2019t need to pause or regroup.\u00a0 Sand scratched against his left cheek and grit left him blind in one eye.\u00a0 Ahead of them, and getting ever closer with the swish of her tail, the rocks looked more a monster than they did a girl.\u00a0 Its angry forehead cut off the sunlight leaving Charlie and his captor in shadow.\u00a0 Water poured from its nostrils to form a pool at the base of the cliffs.\u00a0 Using thick gold twine, the mermaid handcuffed Charlie to the rocks.<\/p>\n With his left eye open wide, afraid to blink and further scratch the retina, Charlie looked out towards the distant ocean and prayed for a steamer to pull up anchor.<\/p>\n The mermaid’s high-pitched orders scratched, and worse, behind him, Charlie heard a swell of screams and singing.\u00a0 As he turned to look to his left, in the direction of the cacophony, she slapped him and her garbled tongue seemed to say, “Best not.”<\/p>\n The sight of her slithering back along the beach, towards the water, renewed his chill.\u00a0 He prayed Sid had fired up the engine and headed home.\u00a0 Despite her supposed warning, he turned his head as far as it would go and, pulling at his restraints, he managed a few steps.\u00a0 What he saw broke his heart and sent him hurtling back against the wall.\u00a0 His breath tore against his throat.\u00a0 Their song intensified.<\/p>\n There were too many of them.\u00a0 If he couldn\u2019t fight one girl, how was he to escape a tank of deranged mermen?\u00a0 He screamed until his throat ached, and then he passed out.<\/p>\n <\/br> Once the mermaid had secured Sid, she called into the cave.\u00a0 A similar cry echoed in reply.<\/p>\n Deep within the cavern, water sloshed and shrill voices slithered closer and closer.\u00a0 Charlie pressed his back to the cliff wall.\u00a0 He remembered the things he\u2019d seen swimming in the tank.\u00a0 Most of all, he recalled the blood red water.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease, if you have any honour untie us, let us go.\u201d<\/p>\n Her hiss an unmistakeable “Shut up.”<\/p>\n Shielding their eyes against the harsh sun, five mermaids crawled out of the cave.\u00a0 With their golden hair, rosebud lips and eyes bluer than the clearest ocean, they should have beguiled him.\u00a0 If he gained nothing else from this trip, death aside, he at least now understood why men paid fortunes to lock mermaids beneath the Perspex ceilings of their swimming pools.<\/p>\n A mermaid pressed her chest to his.\u00a0 Skin scaly, breath smelling of tuna.\u00a0 He squirmed beneath her caress.<\/p>\n The original mermaid pulled the newcomer away from Charlie, dragging her by the hair and throwing her back into the pool formed from the island\u2019s dripping nostrils.\u00a0 The mermaids offered a collective hiss as they encircled the girl.\u00a0 They grabbed her wrists and tied them together with the same gold twine that bound Charlie\u2019s.\u00a0 Her shriek broke through Sid\u2019s stupor and renewed his screech.<\/p>\n The mermaids turned their attention to Sid.\u00a0 They ripped him from the rock.\u00a0 Water splashed with the weight of Sid\u2019s body falling face first into the pool.\u00a0 Clouds scuttled across the sky leaving the beach and the cliff even deeper in shadow.\u00a0 A hand grabbed hold of Charlie\u2019s restraints.\u00a0 His turn.<\/p>\n Instead of allowing them to walk to their fate, the mermaids grabbed their hair and pulled them along.\u00a0 Rocks tore into his shin and knees, staining the water red.<\/p>\n Ahead of them, the mermen were waking up.\u00a0 The scent of Sid and Charlie’s blood caused the mermen to slam against the glass wall dividing them.\u00a0 Decaying fists beat against the tank.\u00a0 These were true beasts.\u00a0 Their scales dulled, their hair sparse, their skin peeled back to reveal bone, and several of them were missing arms and noses.\u00a0 In quick succession their teeth snapped.<\/p>\n The traitor mermaid shouted something that sounded like, “They\u2019re hungry.”<\/p>\n Sid\u2019s mumble translated as, “We\u2019re sleeping with the fishes.”<\/p>\n Showing no pity, their captors slid the bound mermaid into the tank first.\u00a0 A tail sliced her throat open, and a cloud of blood obscured Charlie\u2019s view.\u00a0 The smack-tear-lick sounds that pushed through the feeding tube caused Charlie to shudder.<\/p>\n \u201cCannibals,\u201d Sid shouted.<\/p>\n Fingers prodded into Charlie\u2019s back, pushing him in the direction of the tube.\u00a0 A merman poked his arm through the pipe eager for first taste.\u00a0 All about him, the mermaids\u2019 song played high-pitched and nervous.<\/p>\n \u201cWould it help,” cried Charlie to the mermaids, “if I could tell you where to find Captain Crow?\u201d<\/p>\n The lead mermaid nodded.\u00a0 Her tail slapped out, knocking him away from the tube and her screech cried, “Show us and we won\u2019t eat you.”<\/p>\n \u201cDo you have a plan?\u201d Sid asked, as they were marched out of the cave.<\/p>\n \u201cNot becoming a fish supper.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/br> He and Sid found Captain Crow seated beside a roaring fire regaling drunks with the story of how he\u2019d sold his boat to two nitwits.\u00a0 The idea of mermaids and leaking boats caused several listeners to spray their beer across the inn.\u00a0 Charlie offered them a theatrical cough.\u00a0 Noting their entrance, Captain Crow adjusted his eye patch, moving it from his left to his right eye.<\/p>\n Charlie sat down next to the Captain and wrapped his arm around the man\u2019s shoulders.\u00a0 The deeds to the boat and the map poked out of his jacket pocket.<\/p>\n \u201cWe found them, sir.\u00a0 Let us buy you a bottle of rum because we have, this day, made our fortune.\u201d<\/p>\n The Captain flinched and drew Charlie aside.\u00a0 A tide of drunks swayed with them.<\/p>\n \u201cI didn\u2019t expect you back,\u201d Crow paused, \u201cso soon.\u201d<\/p>\n Charlie offered the man a hearty slap on the back.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have a boat full of dead fish-women and a contract to sell them to several posh eateries in London.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIs that the contract poking out of your pocket?\u201d Captain Crow\u2019s fingers pinched the air.<\/p>\n \u201cAmong other things,\u201d Charlie said.<\/p>\n Captain Crow grabbed the papers and ran.\u00a0 Charlie sat down at the bar.<\/p>\n \u201cA bottle of your finest rum, bartender.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAren\u2019t you going to chase after the thieving fellow?\u201d the bartender asked.<\/p>\n A screech an octave too low to belong to a mermaid echoed across the harbour.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so, no.\u201d by Cate Gardner Charlie McKendrick scribbled a rule down in Sid\u2019s notebook: No. 142: Never believe anything a stranger tells you in a pub, especially if he is wearing an eye patch.\u00a0 If the pirate who called himself Captain Crow … Continue reading
\nAs he unrolled the map Captain Crow had given to Sid, Charlie expected to find a price sticker on the reverse.\u00a0 The paper was crisp white and the ink smudged.\u00a0 He suspected the Captain had drawn it a minute before he approached them.<\/p>\n
\nCharlie awoke to Sid\u2019s screams.\u00a0 The mermaid was tying his friend to the cliff and Sid was too busy emptying his lungs to fight.\u00a0 The mermen had ceased their vicious song, but she continued hers.\u00a0 Charlie doubted she had ever beguiled a sailor with her caterwaul.<\/p>\n
\nThe Wayward Inn stood perched on the edge of an unstable jetty.\u00a0 Charlie licked his lips and drew in the scent of rum.\u00a0 No man had ever needed a drink more.<\/p>\n
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\nCATE GARDNER<\/strong>\u2019s stories have appeared, or are due to appear, in Fantasy Magazine, Necrotic Tissue, Postscripts and Space & Time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"