by Victor David Giron
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\nMaria sat smoking a cigarette on the wood deck of her friend\u2019s apartment overlooking a dimly lit alley.\u00a0 The garage doors featured cryptic tagging in black and red spray-paint.\u00a0 All she could recognize was the shape of a crown.\u00a0 Latin Kings.\u00a0 There was a time when Maria could have deciphered all of the letters.\u00a0 Her inability to do so now reminded her of when she and Alex were little, living with their parents just blocks away, on the other side of the Logan Square circle, back when they didn\u2019t know how to speak English.<\/p>\n
Though she couldn\u2019t see the white eagle column, she knew it was on the other side of the red-bricked building standing to her left, there in the middle of the circle, in between the intersection of Logan Boulevard, Milwaukee Avenue, and Kedzie.\u00a0 She could almost feel its presence, as if a hovering ghost that observed her from the corner of a room.<\/p>\n
Maria and Alex had driven by the circle on the way back from the hospital after visiting with their father, Manuel, just about an hour earlier.\u00a0 In the silence of the early morning and murkiness of the street-lights, the place seemed eerily similar to when they lived there almost 30 years ago.\u00a0 Sure, it had a few cafes and restaurants now, and a bunch of white people who fancied themselves artists had moved there.\u00a0 But unlike the nearby neighborhoods of Wicker Park and Bucktown (that now looked like outdoor shopping malls), it still had the feeling of a place society ignored.<\/p>\n
She also thought of how she vividly remembered details from their childhood that Alex didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n
Alex always said to friends when introducing Maria that they played in rain puddles when they were little, right in front of the building they lived in.\u00a0 But she knew those puddles were really in front of the Spanish-speaking church they went to that showed those awful movies of what it was supposed to be like to go to Hell.<\/p>\n
Alex had asked their father earlier at the hospital to tell them once again where he met\u00a0their mother.\u00a0 He always told people his parents met in some park.\u00a0 But Maria knew they met in an upholstery shop over in Pilsen, close to where their\u00a0parents first lived after coming to Chicago, and that they got married soon after she became pregnant with Alex.<\/p>\n
Their father answered Alex in his drug-induced state by not answering the question, and instead said in a professorial manner, \u201cSome people, when they\u2019re stoned, drunk, standing there looking at the ladies on the corner, some people, they just shouldn\u2019t get married\u2026 But they do, yeah, they do\u2026 They get married right away, and they do it.\u00a0 You only live once, and so I guess you just do it \u2026 That\u2019s all\u2026 That\u2019s all\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
He then went on to some conversation he was having with someone not in the room about Limburger cheese, the kind you find in Wisconsin.<\/p>\n
Alex also never seemed to remember the Latin Kings that lived in their building.\u00a0 The bastards would stand in front of the entrance to the building and stare at them as\u00a0they would walk in through the door, especially the bigger one, who the others called \u201cDragon.\u201d He had a buzzed head with a long black tail running down the back of his neck, a go-tee, and tattoos covering his arms.\u00a0 He would stand there almost glowing, the hairs on his chin vibrating, the blood-yellow of his eyes still visible in the aphotic bottom of her dreams.\u00a0 Maria remembered the night when their father pounded on the door, and after their mother ran to open it, he was down on the floor trying to protect his face with his torn hands while four of the gang-bangers kicked him.\u00a0 He had blood running down his face and onto his white under-shirt.\u00a0 Their mother screamed and took her shoes off and ran at them, swinging at their heads.\u00a0 One of them pushed her back so hard that she fell to the floor.\u00a0 Maria and Alex were crying as they held each other, while the gang-bangers yelled out, \u201cFuck you, you wetbacks, motherfuckers,\u201d just before spitting on their father and leaving.<\/p>\n
Alex never remembered any of this stuff, though he was always considered the smarter of the two.\u00a0 It was as if he lived in a state of denial.\u00a0 She, on the other hand, knew, remembered it all, and lived with these memories and others she never dare share with anyone else, not even with herself anymore.\u00a0 She carried them as scares etched on her very skin, and inside her nicotine- and tar-laden lungs.<\/p>\n
It was no wonder she always ran away from home as a teenager.\u00a0 It was no wonder she could never complete any kind of schooling.\u00a0 It was no wonder she was always attracted to men who carried equally as massive scars.\u00a0 They would inevitably hit her, often because she begged them to.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t care.\u00a0 She knew.\u00a0 She didn\u2019t need a damn psychologist to tell her that.\u00a0 She stopped going to her Al-Anon meetings when they kept saying over and over that children of alcoholic parents tend to seek out partners that treat them similar to how their troubled parents treated them.\u00a0 She already knew that.\u00a0 That was her way of coping.<\/p>\n
They had arrived at the hospital earlier in the evening and their father complained about how Alex had forgotten to get onions and cilantro with the burrito they brought him from La Pasadita, the dirty burrito joint\u00a0over on Ashland and Division.\u00a0 Their father always made them go there after church on Sundays, after which they would go see a Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, or Sylvester Stallone movie up at the Logan Square Theatre.\u00a0 He loved those steak burritos, but only with the onions and cilantro.\u00a0 While he ate his burrito, he kept saying that everyone had taken the fun out it, and blamed his second wife, Alicia, saying that after 20 years she still couldn\u2019t get this one thing right.\u00a0 Maria couldn\u2019t handle it anymore and snapped at her father telling him that it wasn\u2019t Alicia\u2019s fault and that he shouldn\u2019t be such a cranky old man, which made him smile as he continued to eat\u00a0his burrito.<\/p>\n
\u201cDad, how do you think you got hepatitis?\u201d Maria asked their father later in the evening while they were sitting in the room.\u00a0 Alex shook his head in disagreement with the question as he watched the soundless television puke out its images, with the only noise in the room being that of the beeping medical equipment surrounding their father.\u00a0 It was a question she\u2019d asked him many times before, but this time she hoped that he\u2019d answer differently.<\/p>\n
She knew hepatitis can be caused by severe alcohol consumption.\u00a0 But she also knew that the type their father carried was more likely\u00a0transmitted through contact with infected blood.\u00a0 Their father would often be gone days, and would return in a daze, all\u00a0shaky and\u00a0sweaty, as if recovering from a severe fever.\u00a0 He\u2019d probably done drugs like heroine, had sex with prostitutes, and other such things.\u00a0 Maria wondered whether he\u2019d ever admit that, if not to them, then hopefully to himself, especially now.<\/p>\n
\u201cThere was blood\u2026 I just remember blood\u2026 The car, it was the accident\u2026\u201d her father responded as he always did to Maria\u2019s question, referring to some imaginary car accident.<\/p>\n
Alex gave Maria a cold look, and then tried to change the subject by asking, \u201cHey Pa, how\u2019s the Mexican national team doing these days?\u201d<\/p>\n
After ignoring Alex by staring at the television, their father broke the silence and asked him, \u201cMan, what\u2019s wrong with you?\u00a0 You getting fat again?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u00a0 No.\u00a0 What do you mean dad?\u00a0 You always say that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve weighed the same for a long time now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYour face, it\u2019s puffy, your head\u2019s getting bigger,\u201d he told Alex, as he started to laugh in a strained way, which made Maria laugh.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you laughing about?\u201d he told Maria, turning to look at her.\u00a0 \u201cYou, you\u2019re still too skinny, way too skinny.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it\u2019s better than being fat,\u201d she responded, laughing, making their father laugh harder, while Alex started to blush and told her to shut up.\u00a0 Alex had always been skinny like her, but over the last couple of years he had in fact gained some weight.\u00a0 His receding hairline did make it seem like his head was getting bigger.<\/p>\n
After another brief pause, their father started to laugh again, really loud, making him cough, as he stared up at the ceiling.<\/p>\n
Alex finally asked him what was so funny, and as he was getting teary-eyed, he answered, \u201cThe dog, the dog\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat dog, dad?\u00a0 What do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat dog\u2026 the one on the ice\u2026,\u201d he kept saying, still laughing, which made Maria, Alex, and Alicia also start to laugh.\u00a0 \u201cIt kept chasing her around, and around, and around.\u00a0 I kept telling her to stop, but she didn\u2019t, she kept on running in a circle and so did that damn dog\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, you mean up on the ice, on the lake?\u201d asked Maria.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, on the lake,\u201d their father answered, continuing to laugh, with Alicia now by the bed saying in Spanish, \u201cCalm down, old man, calm down.\u201d<\/p>\n
He stopped laughing, turned toward Alicia with a hazy stare, and said, \u201cHey, vieja<\/em>, why don\u2019t you go get me something to eat again, just something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut, negro<\/em>, don\u2019t you remember? The doctors said you can\u2019t eat until after the surgery,\u201d responded Alicia, using all her tired energy to be forceful, looking at Maria and Alex for reassurance.<\/p>\n Manuel turned his head toward the television, shook it disapprovingly, and said, \u201cAlways, always, to this day, you\u2019ve never helped me.\u00a0 You\u2019ve always been against me.\u00a0 All I want is something to eat again.\u00a0 That\u2019s all\u2026 That\u2019s all…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat dog?\u201d Alex asked Maria, trying to get back to the original subject.<\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t you remember?\u201d she answered, and after letting him think about it for a second, she explained.\u00a0 \u201cRemember how dad used to take us to see the ice-fishers up on that lake in Wisconsin, when we\u2019d try to go skiing?\u00a0 Well this one time, we were watching some men fish, and this big dog came running and tried to play with me.\u00a0 I freaked out and started running around the hole, and the dog started chasing me.\u00a0 I wouldn\u2019t stop, neither would the dog, and so we just ran around in circles until dad finally picked me up, and then he yelled at you for laughing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh, yeah,\u201d answered Alex, smiling.\u00a0 \u201cAlso, like that one time when it was snowing and we were all walking down the sidewalk, and you slipped and fell and started crying after we saw that you fell on dog-shit?\u00a0 Dad also yelled at me for laughing after that, remember?\u201d<\/p>\n “Huh?” Maria thought to herself,” he actually remembered something.”<\/p>\n Their dad was smiling and laughing again, again talking about the dog, that damn dog.\u00a0 He suddenly stopped, and after a moment of heavy breathing said out loud in Spanish, more to himself than anybody else, \u201cOh, look, it\u2019s just that maybe God, dear God, has let me at least laugh one last time, this one last time, here with my children.\u201d\u00a0 Maria, Alex, and Alicia smiled, looked at each other, thought about saying something, but instead they turned and stared at the television.<\/p>\n The rest of the night they kept telling their father that he needed to sleep, but he couldn\u2019t, and so they listened to him ramble on about things such as the fried duck he used to eat\u00a0when he was in his 20s somewhere up by Foster and Lawrence.\u00a0 He became upset because no one had brought him one.\u00a0 He also kept going on about how the church people should have stayed overnight so they could have sang his favorite Jesus songs while following him down the hallway towards the operating\u00a0room\u2014he said that\u2019s how it should have been done, but the church people just didn\u2019t have the patience for it.<\/p>\n The surgery wasn\u2019t going to be until around 5 a.m., and although Alicia thought\u00a0they should stay,\u00a0Alex was tired and didn\u2019t see the point of staying.\u00a0 So they left and said they\u2019d be back in the morning, possibly before their\u00a0father went into surgery.<\/p>\n Alex told his father to be strong, that everything would be fine, and that they would go find that fried duck after he was out of the hospital.\u00a0 After Alex left the room, Maria walked over to say goodbye.<\/p>\n She stopped right next to her father and looked over his unnaturally dark skin that looked like worn leather, his little ruffled gray hairs, his inflated belly that looked like it could be punctured with a needle, his absurdly swollen ankles tightly covered by over-stretched white socks, and all the tubes that ran along his arms towards little holes pricked through his skin.\u00a0 She thought about how the holes in his veins were now the sole remnants of a desperate dream that started so many years ago.\u00a0 And this made her think of how we spend most of our lives growing, so much of it decaying, and when the end comes, it comes like this, if you\u2019re lucky, on a mechanical bed with bleach-cleaned white sheets.\u00a0 She kissed the top of his forehead and put her hand on his chest.\u00a0 She told him that she loved him, and he grabbed hold of her hand.\u00a0 She kissed him on the cheek, leaned over, and whispered in a deathly low volume that only he could hear, \u201cDad, I know you\u2019re sorry, and I forgive you.\u201d\u00a0 His face tightened up, his dark yellow eyes became watery, a vein bubbled under the skin of his forehead, and instead of offering a reply he stared up at the ceiling to somewhere else.<\/p>\n <\/br> She listened as Alex went on about how they shouldn\u2019t be surprised if their father didn\u2019t make it through the surgery because he was very sick, and that they all needed to be strong, especially for Alicia who never knew anything else except\u00a0to care for their father.\u00a0 He said that Alicia was finally going to have to learn English, though, because he wasn\u2019t going to continue doing everything for her.\u00a0 He also contemplated that maybe he and Maria should\u2019ve stayed through the surgery, as Alicia had wanted them to.\u00a0 But then again, he said, it would probably be ok, just like last time.\u00a0 And that\u2019s how he justified he would keep his plans for later in the day with this girl Linda he was going on about all night.<\/p>\n Maria could feel the cool wind hit her face as she lit another cigarette.\u00a0 Alex played one of his mixes that he seemed to be proud of.\u00a0 They passed Chinatown, Pilsen, and the upholstery shop district on Cullerton where their father worked for so many years, for a company owned by an Italian man who he simply referred to as El Italiano<\/em>. This sort of statement by Alex, on previous occasions, would have resulted in a viscous shouting match between the two of them, but this time Maria wasn\u2019t in that sort of mood.<\/p>\n Sure, Maria knew their father had stopped drinking for a long time, and always went to\u00a0his Alcoholic Anonymous meetings.\u00a0 She had even gone to see him get up and testify, after which they would partake in the evening\u2019s assortment of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, pasta, and punch.\u00a0 She had gone with him and his family to the small church down in Calumet and heard him sing along to the church band\u2019s songs about Jesus.\u00a0 And she was aware of how their father’s\u00a0pastor had come\u00a0to the hospital to pray for him every day, and how the pastor would always say that\u00a0their father was a special man because every time he came to the hospital, he could tell their father was surrounded by Jesus and loved ones\u2014and that\u2019s special, to be surrounded by Jesus and loved ones.<\/p>\n But still, she kept thinking that despite these pleas for salvation from an omnipresent being, her father still had never directly apologized to anyone\u2014especially to her\u2014for what he did.\u00a0 She had given him one last chance there at the hospital, but he didn\u2019t.\u00a0 Now, she could only hope that he had the courage to apologize on his own, in his own thoughts, with his God, perhaps there while staring off at the ceiling as she looked over him, or maybe on his medical bed while being wheeled down those miserable white hallways towards the operating room where he would fall asleep for the last time.<\/p>\n Instead of answering Alex, who kept looking at her for some sort of reply and preparing his comeback, Maria puffed on her cigarette and could feel the avalanche come sliding down her face.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t help her cheeks from tightening, and her throat from exploding.<\/p>\n Alex thought to ask what the matter was, thought that maybe now was the time to talk, wondered what an older brother should say in a situation like this, but instead he focused on the road and the cars passing by.<\/p>\n <\/br> During a few hours of fractured, uncomfortable sleep in the plastic deck chair she\u2019d been sitting on, Maria kept seeing images from the previous night parade through her mind:\u00a0 Alex\u2019s clear anxiety over wanting to talk to her in the car, especially before she left, and how he never said anything (like always) and instead just shook his head in silent disagreement.\u00a0 The way Alicia always looked at her when she tried to speak to their father.\u00a0 Their father\u2019s thin, shattered, crazed-preacher-like dark face as he stared at the television and professed to an audience that was absent to everyone else in the room.<\/p>\n In a sudden moment, Maria came to full consciousness as she noticed a movement in the alley.\u00a0 She straightened up, grimaced at the pain in her neck and lower back, and looked again at what seemed like a shadow move between two garages across the way, both bearing the crown of the Kings.\u00a0 \u201cIt was probably a cat\u201d she thought to herself, though didn\u2019t really believe it.\u00a0 She definitely saw something move.\u00a0 She then felt the buzzing of her cell-phone in her jean pocket.\u00a0 After taking it out and seeing that it was Alicia calling, she thought maybe it would better to not answer and let it go to voicemail as she often did when anybody called.\u00a0 Seeing Alicia\u2019s name continue to appear on the phone, though, she took a deep breath, hit the green talk button, and said hello in her broken Spanish. by Victor David Giron Maria sat smoking a cigarette on the wood deck of her friend\u2019s apartment overlooking a dimly lit alley.\u00a0 The garage doors featured cryptic tagging in black and red spray-paint.\u00a0 All she could recognize was the shape … Continue reading
\nAlex and Maria left the hospital\u2019s parking lot and drove down Garfield Park Drive, going past\u00a0Martin Luther King Drive.\u00a0 Maria stared at the 40-ounce consuming men stumbling along the sidewalk, coping with it in their own way.\u00a0 They turned onto the Dan Ryan and headed north towards Chicago\u2019s sky-line that, in the past, had always comforted her.<\/p>\n
\n\u201cWhy did you have to ask dad again about his hepatitis?\u201d Alex asked Maria as they approached the Loop, about to veer off northwest toward Logan Square.\u00a0 \u201cDad\u2019s suffered so much already and he\u2019s tried so hard in recent years to make amends for the way he was.\u00a0 There\u2019s no reason for you to\u00a0be so damn stubborn all the time and rub it in the poor man\u2019s face that way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\nMaria was not surprised when 5 a.m. came and Alex never called to say he was on the way to pick her up.\u00a0 She was still sitting on the wood deck, and staring off at the alley, watching it turn lighter and lighter as the sun made its way over Lake Michigan and the roof-tops of the surrounding three-flat buildings.\u00a0 She thought about trying to find a way onto the roof of the building so she could see the metallic blue-green of Chicago\u2019s sunrise, how it glowed off the buildings.\u00a0 But then she thought about the eagle-column again, about how it would still be standing there, and so she thought to just stay put and wait for the alley to fully turn yellowish gray.<\/p>\n
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\nWhite Hallways was also published this month at Rougarou, the literary journal of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette.
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\nVICTOR DAVID GIRON<\/strong> is the son of immigrants from Mexico and Guatemala. He lives in Chicago with his wife Shannon and sons David and Desmond. Victor works as an accountant, enjoys art and independent music, and as a result of trying to find another creative outlet, discovered that he loves to write fiction. He is in the process of self-publishing his first novel in the spring of 2010. Victor can be found at www.curbsidesplendor.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"