by Violet Schwegler<\/p>\n
He looks to his left and sees a plate of toast, covered in butter. On his right, a plate of glazed doughnuts, glistening in the sunlight. Across from him sits a man with a gun.<\/p>\n
“Pick a plate and eat it.”<\/p>\n
“Just one?”<\/p>\n
“Yes, one.”<\/p>\n
“But they both look so good.”<\/p>\n
“Just one, buddy. One.”<\/p>\n
He looks back to his left: the crust was slightly burnt, but not enough for it to taste bad. He looks to his right: the doughnuts did seem a little dry, but the glaze would take care of that.<\/p>\n
“Timesawasting, pal.”<\/p>\n
“I can’t decide.”<\/p>\n
“What do you mean you can’t decide? All you have to do is eat one plate. If you don’t, you get shot. It’s not that hard.”<\/p>\n
“But I don’t know which one I want.”<\/p>\n
“I would decide fast because I’m about to lose my patience.”<\/p>\n
“Hmm… Hey, can I ask you something?”<\/p>\n
“Sure, I guess.”<\/p>\n
“Which one…”<\/p>\n
“Would I eat? Sorry, not helping.”<\/p>\n
“Damn.”<\/p>\n
“Hey, it’s not that hard. Just eat one. It’s not like one of them is poisoned. Eat one and I’ll let you go.”<\/p>\n
“What kind of kidnapper are you?”<\/p>\n
“Huh?”<\/p>\n
“Seriously. You kidnap me and all I have to do is eat something and I can go? That doesn’t make much sense.”<\/p>\n
“What doesn’t make sense to me is why you won’t just pick one and eat it so you can go and I can move on with my life.”<\/p>\n
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was holding you up. You know, you\u2019re the one who kidnapped me.”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, I’m aware of my mistake. I’ve come to terms with it, I suggest you do the same and pick a goshdarn plate.”<\/p>\n
“What’s the rush?”<\/p>\n
“I have other people to kidnap.”<\/p>\n
“Ah, I see. Do they get the same choice?”<\/p>\n
“No, the food will be different.”<\/p>\n
“Like to switch it up do you?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, well… Hey! Just eat something!”<\/p>\n
“Can I eat both?”<\/p>\n
“No, just one.”<\/p>\n
“How about just one slice of toast and one doughnut, leaving another one of each for your next hostage.”<\/p>\n
“What?”<\/p>\n
“A little from column A, a little from column B.”<\/p>\n
“Fine, whatever. Just eat it and go.”<\/p>\n
He eats a doughnut and then follows it up with a piece of toast.<\/p>\n
“Can I have something to drink?”<\/p>\n
“Sorry, fresh out.”<\/p>\n
“Got a dollar?”<\/p>\n
“Yeah, hold on.”<\/p>\n
The kidnapper gives him a dollar.<\/p>\n
“Thanks. I saw a vending machine on the way in here. I could really go for a Mountain Dew.”<\/p>\n
“Sold out.”<\/p>\n
“Seriously? Son of a bitch!”<\/p>\n
“Hey, watch your mouth. Just because I kidnap people doesn’t mean I\u2019m down with cussing. Now get out of here.”<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright, fine. Bye.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBye.\u201d<\/p>\n
VIOLET SCHWEGLER<\/strong> is eight feet tall and made of candy. Her short story collection, Perhaps.<\/em>, is due this winter from Jersey Devil Press.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" by Violet Schwegler He looks to his left and sees a plate of toast, covered in butter. On his right, a plate of glazed doughnuts, glistening in the sunlight. Across from him sits a man with a gun. “Pick a … Continue reading