by Brenna Watry
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\nIf you wish hard enough on a zombie, one of two things has been known to happen.<\/p>\n
One: no matter how hard you\u2019re sitting\/standing\/lying\/stomping on said zombie, it will still possess enough motor power to tear you limb from limb and devour your brain before you can croak out any last wishes.<\/p>\n
Two: you\u2019ll squish it.<\/p>\n
I looked down at what was left of the zombie beneath me.<\/p>\n
\u201cMadre de Dios!<\/em> These were my last pair of clean pants.\u201d<\/p>\n Its intestines were now a congealing jumble of fluid soaking into the back pockets of my combat pants. \u00a0Blood spatter was hard enough to get out of the wash. \u00a0Bile, fecal matter, and decaying skin were even worse. \u00a0The zombie itself was still twitching feebly, although it wouldn\u2019t be able to get far now that the connection between its torso and legs had been squished.<\/p>\n \u201cMierda!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, no swearing.\u201d<\/p>\n A woman the size of my hand, missing an eyeball and dripping blood and gore, poked me in the nose.<\/p>\n \u201cWho the hell are you?\u201d I asked, flinching away.<\/p>\n She poked me again, half-decayed wings buzzing angrily.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did I say about swearing? \u00a0I\u2019m your Zombie Fairy, Carlos.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cZombie Fairy?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou made a wish, didn\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cS\u00ed<\/em>\u2026\u201d \u00a0I eyed her uncertainly. \u00a0Sure, she had the wings and the tatty dress (now stained with all sorts of things I didn\u2019t want to imagine) and even a wand, but I\u2019d never heard of a \u201cZombie Fairy\u201d before. \u00a0Nobody\u2019s zombie wish had ever actually come true.<\/p>\n \u201cSo what, now that you\u2019re here, do I get my three wishes or something?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPsh,\u201d she scoffed. \u00a0\u201cDo I look like a Zombie Genie?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow should I know? \u00a0Can I get a Zombie Genie instead?\u201d<\/p>\n She was so offended she practically vibrated the other eye out of its socket.<\/p>\n \u201cZombie Genies cost extra.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cExtra what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cExtra limbs.\u201d<\/p>\n Being on the whole rather attached to my limbs, and particularly in the fine condition they were in, I said, \u201cI\u2019ll pass.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThought you might.\u201d<\/p>\n I ignored the barb. \u00a0\u201cSo if you\u2019re my Zombie Fairy Godmother\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n She cut me off. \u00a0\u201cZombie Fairy Godmothers cost extra.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cExtra limbs?\u201d I asked dryly.<\/p>\n \u201cBrains,\u201d she said simply. \u00a0\u201cThe wishers usually sacrifice someone they particularly loathe. \u00a0It promotes survival of the fittest.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cDoes that happen often?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot as often as baby sacrifices.\u201d<\/p>\n If my eyes had gotten any wider, my own eyeballs might have started falling out.<\/p>\n \u201cDios.<\/em> What do they do that for?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cZombie Rumplestiltskins. \u00a0Does your wish involve any sort of money, gold, and\/or riches? \u00a0Because I\u2019ll have to refer you to them, if so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cN-no. \u00a0Listen, how come I haven\u2019t heard of any of this before?\u201d<\/p>\n She shrugged like she didn\u2019t care. \u00a0\u201cWe prefer to keep it on the down-low. \u00a0It\u2019s bad publicity for humanity at large to know that the fairy population has been devastated by the zombie virus as well. \u00a0You might start killing us in a panic. \u00a0Then where would we all be?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh,\u201d I said, slightly distracted by the halved zombie corpse beneath me, which was currently curling its head upward in a vain attempt to bite me in the crotch. \u00a0It looked like its head would fall off before it succeeded, but I was still slightly worried, so I fended it off with my finger against its forehead.<\/p>\n \u201cDead, that\u2019s where,\u201d the Zombie Fairy said, startling me back to attention.<\/p>\n \u201cSo, uh,\u201d I said nervously, \u201care you, uh\u2026\u201d \u00a0I pointed vaguely toward my brain.<\/p>\n The Zombie Fairy snorted and nearly blew her nose off.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you kidding me? \u00a0Human brains are revolting. \u00a0But get me some good, healthy fairy brains, and maybe I\u2019ll slip you an extra wish or two.\u201d\u00a0 She wriggled her rotting eyebrows.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know where to find any non-zombie fairies,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cI didn\u2019t even believe fairies existed until just now.\u201d<\/p>\n She folded her arms and shrugged dismissively.<\/p>\n \u201cSucks to be you, then. You want your wish or not?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cS\u00ed<\/em>,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cThat\u2019s why I wished on a zombie.\u201d<\/p>\n She rolled her remaining eye, then quickly reached up and popped it back into its socket before it could fall into the decomposing zombie beneath me, which was still groaning and pushing its head toward my crotch.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right, repeat after me: I\u2014what\u2019s your name again?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCarlos. \u00a0Carlos Esposito.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood.\u201d \u00a0She cleared her throat and started again. \u00a0\u201cI, Carlos Esposito…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI, Carlos Esposito…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDo so solemnly\u2014ack!\u201d \u00a0An ax the size of my thumbnail smacked wetly into the Zombie Fairy\u2019s chest.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s wounded,\u201d several squeaky voices cried from behind me. \u00a0\u201cGet her!\u201d<\/p>\n A small cadre of fairies streaked forward and achieved a midair dogpile on top of the Zombie Fairy, who was keening feebly and clawing at her attackers. \u00a0I sat stunned, watching until the last miniature limb dropped into the mess that was the zombie beneath me, who looked just as shocked. \u00a0He\u2019d certainly stopped lunging for my crotch.<\/p>\n One of the new fairies straightened up, shaking blood off his tiny hands.<\/p>\n \u201cGood job, team,\u201d he said. \u00a0\u201cAny casualties?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe bit Joby,\u201d someone volunteered.<\/p>\n \u201cNo, she\u2014\u201d the fairy I assumed was Joby said, until the fairy standing next to him lopped his head off with a pin-sized sword.<\/p>\n \u201cAny more casualties?\u201d the lead fairy asked. \u00a0No one replied. \u00a0\u201cThen let\u2019s move out!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHey, wait,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n All the fairies stopped short and looked up at me in surprise.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d asked the fairy who had chopped off Joby\u2019s head.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Zombie Fairy was going to give me a wish,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cBefore you killed her, that is.\u201d<\/p>\n The lead fairy shrugged. \u00a0\u201cSucks to be you, then.\u201d \u00a0Then he and the others took off.<\/p>\n \u201cMierda<\/em>,\u201d I said. \u00a0\u201cStupid culo<\/em>. \u00a0All I wanted was some clean clothes. \u00a0Is that too much to ask for these days?\u201d<\/p>\n I stood up, ignoring the clammy way my pants now clung to my ass and shook the loop of intestine off my Converse.<\/p>\n The zombie, sensing freedom, tried to nip at my ankles, so I stomped its face in. \u00a0Then I stalked off, muttering, \u201cI guess I could try un beb\u00e9<\/em>.\u201d by Brenna Watry If you wish hard enough on a zombie, one of two things has been known to happen. One: no matter how hard you\u2019re sitting\/standing\/lying\/stomping on said zombie, it will still possess enough motor power to tear you … Continue reading
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\nBRENNA WATRY<\/strong> is currently a student at the University of Colorado at Boulder, studying Creative Writing, with an interest in eventually teaching. She has previously been published in The Copperfield Review and Sex and Murder Magazine. Her favorite stories are those that take a familiar genre, tale, or plot device, and give it a twist. Brenna lives in Colorado, where she is probably the only person there who neither skis, nor snowboards. For more of Brenna Watry, visit her blog at wordywatry.wordpress.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"